In it for the short haul

You grow up believing that your lack of success is due to your lack of perseverance.  The reason you fell short was because you gave up, and giving up is frowned upon.  You can’t help but feel like dirt when you look back at all the things you attempted with the greatest intentions but never even came close to the desired accomplishment.

The truth is, if you gave up on a goal then chances are you didn’t really want it that badly.  To suffer and sacrifice for something outside of sustaining physical existence takes a great amount of passion or fear.

We all seem to want the same things…respectable career, friends, spouse, kids, house, vacations but the disappointing reality is that some of us don’t want these things as much as we think we do.  I mean, I’ll take all I just listed if I don’t have to work very hard for them(except kids) but if you want what everyone else wants then there’s often a lot of work involved.  If you want it but aren’t willing to put the work that is required then you don’t really want it.

We are unwilling to admit we don’t want certain things because it seems strange and will not garner the respect from others.  How often do you hear people say that they don’t want a respectable career and all the rest?  To not want is a bigger crime than to not achieve.

It took me a long time to accept this.  I’m just not that strong to make commitments that require the rest of my non-wrinkly life.  I’m not that passionate nor that scared about anything to sign my life away so that my employer can own me for a big piece of stucco and for someone who will eliminate the possibility of physical loneliness.

This is why blogging has worked out so great for me.  I write what I want, when I want and as many words as I want.  It’s complete freedom.  If I spent as much time practicing guitar as I did writing, I would be blazing up and down the fretboard quite majestically.  So I guess, being a guitar virtuoso is not something I want badly enough.

Falling asleep and drunk on red wine is what I am right now.  I will have to bid you farewell for now.  Complete freedom.   No proofread..sorry.  Trying to think of something clever to end off with.  Not strong enough.  Face the truth.  Not everyone is meant to take the same path.   Goodnight.


12 comments on “In it for the short haul

  1. cctyker says:

    You got me to thinking about blogging myself. You speak to please yourself, not others. I agree – complete freedom. Toodle do.


    • MrJohnson says:

      I think it’s worth a try. The other thing I forgot to mention was that it provides a bit of instant gratification as well. You write something and not too long after, people read it..hopefully anyway.


  2. Jami says:

    Not everyone has the same privelege, either. People discriminate and treat people differently based on all sorts of things: background, race height etc. and while yes we have to do our best to overcome that ignorance, we are normal human beings with a real capacity to be worn down, frustrated and utterly discouraged. We are not made of steel. I tend to think that a lot of advice about successful marriage or success in this or that is often written by people who HAVE had a good marriage…it could have been that they were just lucky enough to have found a really suitable partner for them! And then they try to send bullet lists to us all on how to “work” on our marriage (I.e. Send each other love notes, make a date night). I don’t buy it anymore. I did try. We were not meant to be.

    I didn’t mean to make this about marriage specifically, but that’s where my “failure to succeed” lies. “I didn’t try hard enough”…it’s crap and I’m not going to torture myself over that idea.

    This society is obsessed with climbing on too of itself. I say, be happy. Don’t worry, be happy…no matter your circumstances.

    Thanks as always for your thoughts and tell me if I am wrong of course! 😛


    • Jami says:

      On too of itself= onto itself


    • MrJohnson says:

      It’s true that some ambitions in life are just not possible no matter how much you want it. Marriage is much more complicated than owning a home. Owning a home is a question of only money whereas marriage involves another person and ever-changing personalities, expectations and situations. Often it’s our expectations that define success and failure.

      In most of western society, the expectations for marriage are taken from fairytales or movies. In other parts of the world and in other times, marriage is and was mostly a union for a better survival. A lot of people just can’t be with each other that often unless they believe they have to be. Some people really want to be married but just not married to the person they are married to. The ‘rules’ of marriage are absurd anyway. Who wants to see and talk to someone everyday? haha

      Outside of some certain ambitions though, many times the reason for not achieving a particular goal is purely lack of wanting it bad enough which is perfectly fine. Perhaps ‘giving up’ is a step in the right direction to find a path more suitable for ourselves.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Jami says:

        I think sometimes “giving up” can also be a release from what we think we want (but don’t actually do). And that makes room for what we do want. Sometimes we hold onto old ambitions that we outgrow without realising it.

        What are your ambitions then? Is there one specific one you are going after?


        • MrJohnson says:

          Giving up does bring an overwhelming feeling of relief. I’m torn sometimes wondering whether or not giving up is me being a wuss or if it’s just the right thing to do.

          My ambitions in the past used to be similar to those of the general population. My god that was torturous time for me..haha. I’m really not sure what my ambitions are now. My ambition is to find an ambition. I can tell you though, I want to be able to fully accept myself and not feel any bit of shame for anything that does or doesn’t happen in my life.

          How about yourself? Do you have specific ambitions?


          • Jami says:

            “My ambition is to find an ambition”…haha yeah me too! I was just lamenting about how I don’t know what I’m supposed to do…it’s the modern world mental epidemic. We have too much time on our hands not worrying about dying or attaining food and shelter! I don’t feel intelligent enough to figure it out…it’s all muddled and ADD in my head as far as focusing my ambitions is concerned.


  3. Wine seems like a worthy ambition.


    • MrJohnson says:

      It very well may be. I’m drinking a $9 bottle of wine right now. Trying to find the best cheapest wine for economical purposes. I’m finding this endeavour to be much like sushi…you get what you pay for. FYI, BC Liquor stores are open every Sunday in December.


  4. HappyApathy says:

    To not want – that is definitely punishable by …banishment.


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