You grow up believing that your lack of success is due to your lack of perseverance. The reason you fell short was because you gave up, and giving up is frowned upon. You can’t help but feel like dirt when you look back at all the things you attempted with the greatest intentions but never even came close to the desired accomplishment.
The truth is, if you gave up on a goal then chances are you didn’t really want it that badly. To suffer and sacrifice for something outside of sustaining physical existence takes a great amount of passion or fear.
We all seem to want the same things…respectable career, friends, spouse, kids, house, vacations but the disappointing reality is that some of us don’t want these things as much as we think we do. I mean, I’ll take all I just listed if I don’t have to work very hard for them(except kids) but if you want what everyone else wants then there’s often a lot of work involved. If you want it but aren’t willing to put the work that is required then you don’t really want it.
We are unwilling to admit we don’t want certain things because it seems strange and will not garner the respect from others. How often do you hear people say that they don’t want a respectable career and all the rest? To not want is a bigger crime than to not achieve.
It took me a long time to accept this. I’m just not that strong to make commitments that require the rest of my non-wrinkly life. I’m not that passionate nor that scared about anything to sign my life away so that my employer can own me for a big piece of stucco and for someone who will eliminate the possibility of physical loneliness.
This is why blogging has worked out so great for me. I write what I want, when I want and as many words as I want. It’s complete freedom. If I spent as much time practicing guitar as I did writing, I would be blazing up and down the fretboard quite majestically. So I guess, being a guitar virtuoso is not something I want badly enough.
Falling asleep and drunk on red wine is what I am right now. I will have to bid you farewell for now. Complete freedom. No proofread..sorry. Trying to think of something clever to end off with. Not strong enough. Face the truth. Not everyone is meant to take the same path. Goodnight.