Almost Aborted and Abortion

My mother was very close to having an abortion when I was hanging out inside of her.  She doesn’t know that I know this because my schizophrenic aunt had let me in on this little secret.  I’m pretty skeptical when that aunt tells me anything but back then she wasn’t as crazy and the details of the story made a lot of sense.

It’s obvious that I was a complete accident.  My mom was never married and I never met my ‘father’ because he wasn’t really interested in taking on that role.  My mother decided against the abortion for similar reasons on how she was put in this position in the first placed.  My ‘father’ conned my mother into sleeping with him and then my other aunt(not crazy) conned my mother into having me.  My mother is lacking in the intelligence department which tells me my ‘father’ must have been decently intelligent because if he was a dumbass then I would be a super dumbass.

Not ever having met my ‘father’ never bothered me at all.  I know not having a father affected my life deeply but it’s not something you realize until you get a bit older and have the possibility to think about it without an ego.  I think people who want to meet their unknown parent might get that desire from watching too many TV shows that display such a situation.  I can’t see why you would want to meet a stranger who wanted nothing to do with you and quite possibly affected your life negatively.

Knowing that my mother was seriously considering an abortion if my ‘father’ did not show his face at a certain date, never bothered me one bit either.  I already knew I was part of an unwanted pregnancy so what difference did it make that I knew she was planning to get an abortion. Perhaps you might be thinking that I’m just a cold person who repressed all his feelings.  I don’t know.  In my mind, I was just an understanding person who did not attach himself to a less than ideal situation.  I just didn’t see the big deal.

There are many out there just like me who were close to being aborted but I think the difference is that no one ever told them.  ‘Accidents’ are even more plentiful but the difference between unplanned pregnancies depend on the situation.  A married couple that planned to have children but had a child a bit earlier than planned is much different than a 20 year old woman who gets knocked up by some random guy.

Opponents of abortion often say an aborted child did not even have a choice.  To that I would say, almost aborted individuals did not ask to be brought into this world in a disadvantage environment.  Do I wish I was aborted?  I don’t know.  How can anyone really say?  I can tell you being raised by someone who was not very fit to be a parent has been anything but rainbows.  If I was just a little bit crazier and had a little bit less of a conscience, life would be much different for me and the people that I would have affected.

The truth is that young women who decide to have that child are at a disadvantage to being able to raise that child with success.  Success meaning that everyone involved does not go through the majority of their life struggling just so that they can exist.  Chances are everyone is going to lose.  The women who do consider abortion are likely poor, young, no education, not in love with the sperm donor, and having a child will not likely improve her situation.  The unlucky child gets to grow up in this less than ideal situation to maybe do just a little better.  Wouldn’t it be better for everyone including society to let that woman improve her life and get her shit together and then have a child?

I’m not saying abortion is right or wrong but abortion seems to make some sense at least.  The moral arguments are a different story.  I’m not a person of high morals nor am I full of bias like many other opponents of abortion.  If you are religious, have children, didn’t abort your unplanned pregnancy or were close to being aborted, then your view on abortion might be influenced.  You would think I would be anti-abortion but from looking at my life and others who were close to having an abortion but didn’t, I can see that some people probably should of had an abortion.

The abortion debate is much more complex than what I have just outlined but I don’t have 3 months to get into it.  This is just a perspective from a person who was knowingly almost aborted but does not identify strongly with almost being aborted.  I don’t have any resentment towards being born nor do I have any resentment on not being aborted.  I do resent this 9-5 working life bullshit though.

I know I sound a bit contradicting.  I guess I’m not against abortion but I also understand why some people would be.  I also don’t believe in Jesus Christ but I understand why people do.  I think it’s a little weird but I don’t think it’s wrong.


Prison Food


Ewww, right? Maybe, but I ate it.  I’m pretty lazy to cook just like most people so sometimes I will just whip up the equivalent to prison food.


– White Japanese Rice

– 1/8th of a can of Spam

– 3 medium rare boiled organic cage free eggs

– some broccoli

There is a method to my madness.  Every ingredient plays a role in this dynamic dinner.  The rice is the filler but it also acts as the yolk soaker. Eggs are boiled to the point where the yolk has to be somewhat moist so it can act as a sauce.  The Spam is just for flavour hence the small amount of it.  I shouldn’t say just for flavour since it is the life of the party here.  I cut up the Spam in little pieces and crush the eggs so that every scoop has the possibility of getting a little bit of everything.  The presence of broccoli is to ease my guilty conscience of putting questionable unhealthiness inside myself.  To be honest, even if you minus the broccoli, this prison meal is probably healthier than what a lot of people eat at home and definitely healthier than anything that is out there at restaurants.

See, there’s luncheon meat and then there is Spam.  Spam is like premium luncheon meat that also carries a premium price.  You can buy the imitators for cheaper but they also contain additional ingredients that you would not want like MSG.  The imitator only exists in my home for emergencies such as earthquakes or when Shit Hits The Fan.  In all likelihood I will never eat it.  It’s beneath me.




Life is easier when your standards are set low.

Politically Incorrect Words

‘Homosexual’ is fine but ‘homo’ is wrong.  Isn’t ‘homo’ just an easier way of saying ‘homosexual?’  Just like how Rob is to Robert or JD is to Jack Daniels?  Nope, can’t say it because straight people enjoy it too much.  I’m not going to play pretend here or anywhere.  I use every political incorrect word that exists and every other word that some people find disgusting.  I don’t go around saying it to people I don’t know.  I only use it when around like minded company and not in a hateful manner.

Since the beginning of time, humans have gravitated towards efficiency.  Politically correct ways of saying things usually involve more syllables than their counterpart.  You could use the term ‘overweight’ or ‘obese,’ or you could just simply say ‘fat.’  It’s less work to say it and less work to write it.

For whatever reason, the condensed interpretation of politically correct words sound more humorous.  Unfortunately, there are many people out there who don’t enjoy the same humour as others.  Some people are just uptight and some others are only uptight in areas they identify with. I guess everyone has different tastes and that’s where the collision takes place.  You think it’s okay and they don’t.  If you get upset about what words some random person uses on the internet then you are probably taking things too seriously.

Even nicknames get condensed.  Often, a nickname is derived from an original longer version that has a back story.  There’s this guy I know whose nickname is ‘Boner’ but being lazy humans we often called him ‘Bone.’  That’s just how it goes.  Less syllables the better and the more humorous sounding the better.

Language is an art form just like painting, music and films.  Some people may find it offensive and others not so much.  You wouldn’t let anyone tell you what not to paint so why would you let someone tell you what words you should or should not use?


Not Feeling Like a Loser is the Purpose of Life

Whether people realize it or not, the whole point of life is to not feel like a loser.  To be more specific the goal is to not be near the end of your life and to think that your life was sub-par because you were incompetent.  The definition of a loser is subjective but to feel like one you have to feel ashamed of your life.  Often, one will feel like a loser if they think the majority of society thinks they are a loser.

Your life at this very moment is probably not that bad.  Your life at almost any moment is usually not that bad but then you start thinking about where you are in life and where you want to be or thought you would be, and that puts a damper on things.  You feel that there is this mountain to climb and fruits to pick on the way up but you’re not sure if you are going to finish the course or if you even want to.  Not completing this trek will make you feel like a loser.

Everything we do in life is fueled by the belief that it is going to make us happier or at least feel better about ourselves.  This road to happiness is really just our way of trying to get as far as we can from feeling like a loser.  It’s quite possible that you are not doing the things that you are doing for the purpose of happiness.  You might think you are but not really.  You are doing them because you think it won’t make you feel like a loser, and you think that will bring you the everlasting happiness you are looking for.  Happiness is an emotion that doesn’t last like any other emotion such as anger and sadness.  To feel any emotion for a prolonged period means there is something wrong with you.  Not feeling like a loser on the other hand is just an answer to an equation that satisfies you.  If you think working your job + having kids will make you less of a loser then the answer is correct to you but it doesn’t necessarily mean it will make you happy.

Not wanting to feel like a loser is part of the human condition to perpetuate the species and increase the chances of survival for yourself and your loved ones.  What usually makes people feel like a loser?  Being broke and alone, right?  What often happens when you are broke and alone?  No one is fucking you and you fear for your survival.  And just because you’re not broke or alone, it doesn’t mean you’re happy but you feel less of a loser.

One of the biggest fears that people have is having the feeling that you wasted your life.  The feeling that you could have lived a less loserish life if you just did something a little bit different or maybe a lot different.  You want to look back on your life when you are old and be able to give yourself the nod of approval.  Most of the time, you can only approve if you think everyone else would approve.  Life wants you to do and think like everyone else.

All of this is primitive thinking.  So what if you die as a so called bonafied loser?  It really doesn’t matter except maybe to you but your life alone is just a drop of water in the ocean.  Even if you are a so called winner, once you die no one is going to give a shit about you.  Do you know the guy who invented the internal combustion engine?  Of course you don’t because he’s dead now and no one cares, not even people who work on combustion engines for a living.  Do you think you will do anything as great as he did?  Do you think your 2 kids, house and 10 exotic vacations can even compare?

So I don’t know if there is any sense in worrying about finishing a loser.  Logically there really isn’t any reason but like I’ve said before, humans don’t operate on logic.  If you don’t end up being a ‘winner’ then you really just have to ease up on the ego and hopefully have a sense of humour about things.


“I just love that there are people like that ..that are living these wild lives.  It’s so different than anything we have locked in our head as acceptable.  It’s hard to let go of the idea but it’s really right there in front of your doesn’t matter what you do, you just do what you want to should do what you want to do.  We’re all going die anyway.  We live and we die…and you just got to accept that but it’s so hard to do.”

– Joe Rogan



Daily Prompt: Purpose


Feminists Do Not Really Exist

I know feminists do exist but they exist like white supremacists in that there really aren’t that many.  The reason why feminists appear to be more abundant than they really are is because of the internet.  The internet is a place for people to pretend they are someone else and also for the strange creatures of humanity to show themselves.  I can’t say I’ve ever met a feminist but maybe I don’t know enough white lesbian hipsters.  White supremacists apparently exist but I’ve never met one of them either.  Perhaps for many, being a feminist is just their online personality.

If you’re on WordPress enough, you will get the impression that feminists are everywhere because they have blogs, they fiercely comment on other blogs and feminist type articles are always featured on Freshly Pressed.  It’s so mainstream that you’re convinced that they exist in large numbers.  What you see on the internet is a brainwash though.  The only time you ever come across weird messed up stories is on the internet.  I come across gay people all the time in real life but I’ve never met a feminist and gay people make up only a small percentage of people.  If I have met feminists, they are not the internet type that have extreme views.

Many of the feminists you bump into online are too extreme to be taken seriously.  They don’t want equal rights for women, they want invincibility.  They make it sound like males go through life without any serious hardships.  In my whole life I have never known a female that got their ass kicked like I have seen many guys get their ass kicked.  I know guys that have been stomped on, shot, stabbed, murdered, sliced, pummeled with blunt objects, you name it.  I’m sure cat calls are just as painful though.  Can you be any more petty?

Unfairness is just a part of life.  There will always be those with power who will pick on those with less.  It hardly ever has anything to do with gender or even race. There’s inequality towards every group and always will be.

Feminism is a much more respected movement than white supremacy but for the most part it should be taken as seriously as white supremacy. Extreme feminism(typical of what you see on WordPress) is the equivalent to racist rants and 15 years olds giving life advice…they are silly.  It’s silly because it doesn’t make much sense most of the time.  They are just irrational arguments based on beliefs that solely benefit the female gender.   I think a better label for them is ‘online feminist’ because I’m almost certain they don’t really exist in real life.


A Winner’s Attitude

In order to win you have to make the decisions that will allow you to win.  Most people make decisions that prevent them from completely losing.  Just because you don’t lose doesn’t mean you win.

It’s pretty easy to make winning decisions if your goal is to win and nothing else.  Most people have a difficult time making decisions because they want to succeed but they are also afraid to fail.

I never had the winning attitude.  I think I regret it but it’s difficult to regret something that you weren’t aware of.  If I had the winning attitude though, it’s almost for certain I would have chosen the criminal path because that’s where the winning was for a long time.  So I don’t know.

‘Winning’ is different for everyone.  No matter what though, if you want to win you have to be playing to win not playing not to lose.

Being too afraid to lose will make you a loser.  If you’re afraid to lose then you might as well pack up your bags and leave because you’re going to be disappointed.  Your fear of losing is just going to drag you down.

I don’t know how I’m going to incorporate this attitude as I’m not really participating in anything.  This winning attitude is also going to have to battle my negative attitude for 1st place.


Happiness and Technology

Any TV show ready to go at anytime or be only able to watch one show at a specific time and never again.  Which would you choose?  Most of us have chosen the former or have had it chosen for us.  It sounds like the better choice on paper just like every other advancement of technology that we have seen.

I would define happiness as a mood that comes and goes rather than a prolonged state of bliss.  The more advanced technology becomes the more difficult it is to be happy.  We used to be scared of starving to death and once we successfully found a meal it brought us immense joy.  Now we take pictures of our food and put it on the internet which probably angers every starving African family out there.  Finding food these days doesn’t make you feel like a winner.  Most of the time you feel like a loser for stuffing 2 Big Macs in your face.

Happiness has always been relative to how difficult something is to attain.  Technology has taken away the fear and difficulty of almost everything.  When you’re not scared and feel very little anticipation, not only do you not feel happiness, you don’t feel anything.

There are so many TV shows available to me that I don’t watch any of them.  If there was only 1 then I would have watched it long time ago.  My mental process tells me that they will always be there so who cares.  I don’t have to keep a mental note that a show is on Tuesday at 8pm and if I miss it, I will have to wait forever to be able to see it again.  The phrase, ‘I’m going to miss my show’ is or will be extinct.

I guess one solution is to cut it all out but then you will either feel like an idiot or die of stress thinking about how you could have something so easily.  It doesn’t really work when you know you have options.

When a song I like comes on the radio, I am much happier than when I play it off a CD because a CD takes away the element of surprise and your willingness to appreciate the moment.  When something is not scarce it does not matter.

Maybe this is life’s way of pushing the evolution of happiness.  Or life’s way of making humans less human.  Whatever it is, it’s doing something. It’s doubtful that I would be writing this post though if my favourite show was on right now and I couldn’t record it, download it later or have the knowledge that it would be available in some other way in the near future.  I’m not sure if that means anything but it might.

That’s So Straight

Straight guys are always worried about looking ‘gay’ so I’m pretty sure gay guys must worry about looking straight.  A lot of the time you can tell pretty easily if a guy is gay by the way he dresses, speaks or moves.  There must be gay guys that put something on to wear and sometimes think to themselves that they look too straight. They don’t want to be accused by their gay buddies of being ashamed of looking gay.

If gay men actually say, ‘that’s so straight’ to each other as an insult, I would die laughing.

– ‘that’s the straightest thing I have ever heard’

– ‘what are you? straight?’

– ‘that shirt looks so straight on you’

It could be a peace agreement.  Straight people can say ‘that’s so gay’ and gay people can say ‘that’s so straight.’  Deal? Deal.  Good.

Not Getting Offended Should Be the Goal

Shouldn’t the goal in life be to work towards not getting offended rather than trying to get people to stay away from offensive words and subjects?  As long as there are words and other ways of being offensive then people are always going to be offended.  Going through life and being offended by what is supposed to be ‘offensive’ is like driving and getting mad every time someone is driving inappropriately.

If society somehow manages to get everyone to never communicate negatively/truthfully about culture, race, gender, we will find something else to be offended about.  The truth is we’re only offended by such subjects and words because we think we’re supposed to be.

Do you really think you’re going to guilt the whole world into not saying something is ‘so gay’ or not comment to their buddies about something racial that is unflattering to a race?

Everyone is all about laughing when it comes to ‘offensive’ material towards other groups but once something is said about their beliefs and way of life then it’s a different story. Every culture and belief has something laughable about it.

Do you want people to get along?  The best way is to not be offended so damn easily.  When a black guy, yellow guy, Muslim, transsexual and white guy get together and can freely say anything they want to each other and laugh about it…I call that a step in the right direction.

Just because you get offended doesn’t make you right and just because you find someone offensive doesn’t make them a bad person.



Losing Your Identity

There was a time, for a long time that I wanted certain things.  I would daydream about my life with these things.  I used to picture myself driving a really nice car and thought how cool it would be.  That was a time when I identified with certain people and wanted admiration from all others.

Then I cut myself off physically and mentally.  The realization that dawned on me was that most of the things that I wanted was what everyone else wanted.  Once I separated myself none of it mattered.  I no longer needed to fit in.  It was a definite tribal mentality that fueled my past behaviour.

Along with separating myself came the loss of identity.  It’s almost a cliche term but don’t underestimate the role your identity plays in your life. In fact, it is your life.  Without your identity you feel like a nobody.  You have no title and no allegiance.  I do have a few titles but none of them bring me any sense of importance or purpose.  I’m not a father, husband, boyfriend, dog owner, friend, gang member, CEO or SOB.

Now that I don’t want so much it makes life a little dull.  Life seems to be a series of chasing a million things that don’t matter.  Now life doesn’t really even matter so much especially in the philosophical sense.

It’s very difficult to give up your identity no matter how much misery it is causing you because without your identity you feel like a no one.  We defend to death with what we identify with because in more primitive eras our identity was really all we had and we’re still operating on primitive wiring.  We needed to be part of a tribe and hold some sort of position in order to survive.

To be honest, I forgot what my intended subject matter for this post was.  I started writing because I thought of how seeing people drive nice cars doesn’t make me envious at all anymore.  I still like nice cars but I picture myself driving one and can’t imagine it doing much for me in the department of feeling good.  I drive an ugly grey sedan that is fit for an old fogie but it doesn’t matter because I have no one to impress including myself.  I don’t even think about buying new clothes unless I need them.   So ya, your way of thinking is often based on the type of people you identify with and not your true self.  I guess you can say I used to use false identification that expired but now isn’t likely to be renewed.  I think I’ll opt for a legitimate one so that I can stop being a fraud and live in peace.