When I was 12 years old our teacher gave us some kind of English assignment. We had to construct sentences that incorporated a list of 20 words. As a child and even as an adult, I always gravitated to amusing myself. I was sitting beside my classmate Richard and for whatever reason I decided to give him the starring role in my assignment.
I can’t remember what I wrote except this one sentence that has stayed in my memory even until now. Every sentence included Richard’s name and the word, ‘fart.’ The only one I remember was,
“Richard farted on the government.”
Anyway, I had a blast writing this while cracking up laughing at the same time but the teacher felt differently. She had a disappointed look on her face after marking my assignment. I wonder if she was truly disgusted or if she actually found it humorous but felt she needed to discipline me.
“I want you to take this home to your parents and have them sign it and give it back to me.”
I had two choices. Show this to my mom’s truck driving dictator partner(Uncle Bill) at the time which would surely get me in deep shit. This guy would yell at me for anything. As funny as I thought I was, there were some serious people in this world who didn’t appreciate my humour. Perhaps their disgust wasn’t because that my work wasn’t at all funny but instead they saw it more as a bad sign for how I was going to turn out in the future.
My second choice was to show this to my mother who I was much less scared of. To do this would require some tactical thought on my part. Uncle Bill was the person who was home in the evenings and my mom worked late so I never saw her Monday to Friday. Uncle Bill left the house early for work so my plan was to show this to my mom after he left and before I went to school when my mom was still asleep. The idea was that my mom would sign it and Uncle Bill would never hear about it.
The next morning, I go and wake my mom up and tell her that she needs to sign this paper from my teacher. My mom’s spoken English is a little better than sucks and her reading ability is far worse. She could read single words sometimes but a whole sentence would lose her most of the time. So she’s barely awake and looking at my assignment and asks, “so does this say you are doing good?”
I walked away with the biggest grin on my face. I’m not sure if it could have turned out any better. It would be funny though if someone actually did fart on the government.