Farting on the Government

When I was 12 years old our teacher gave us some kind of English assignment.  We had to construct sentences that incorporated a list of 20 words.  As a child and even as an adult, I always gravitated to amusing myself.  I was sitting beside my classmate Richard and for whatever reason I decided to give him the starring role in my assignment.

I can’t remember what I wrote except this one sentence that has stayed in my memory even until now.  Every sentence included Richard’s name and the word, ‘fart.’  The only one I remember was,

“Richard farted on the government.”

Anyway, I had a blast writing this while cracking up laughing at the same time but the teacher felt differently.  She had a disappointed look on her face after marking my assignment.  I wonder if she was truly disgusted or if she actually found it humorous but felt she needed to discipline me.

“I want you to take this home to your parents and have them sign it and give it back to me.”

I had two choices.  Show this to my mom’s truck driving dictator partner(Uncle Bill) at the time which would surely get me in deep shit.  This guy would yell at me for anything.  As funny as I thought I was, there were some serious people in this world who didn’t appreciate my humour.  Perhaps their disgust wasn’t because that my work wasn’t at all funny but instead they saw it more as a bad sign for how I was going to turn out in the future.

My second choice was to show this to my mother who I was much less scared of.  To do this would require some tactical thought on my part. Uncle Bill was the person who was home in the evenings and my mom worked late so I never saw her Monday to Friday.  Uncle Bill left the house early for work so my plan was to show this to my mom after he left and before I went to school when my mom was still asleep.  The idea was that my mom would sign it and Uncle Bill would never hear about it.

The next morning, I go and wake my mom up and tell her that she needs to sign this paper from my teacher.  My mom’s spoken English is a little better than sucks and her reading ability is far worse.  She could read single words sometimes but a whole sentence would lose her most of the time.  So she’s barely awake and looking at my assignment and asks, “so does this say you are doing good?”


I walked away with the biggest grin on my face.  I’m not sure if it could have turned out any better.  It would be funny though if someone actually did fart on the government.




6 comments on “Farting on the Government

  1. thenoveilst says:

    OMG….lol…then again who is the government; the all elusive everyone and no one (politicians evading questions) to take responsibility.


    • MrJohnson says:

      I wonder if one would go to jail for farting on the president. Although, it would probably be easier to assassinate a president than to fart on one. The timing and execution would be near impossible.


  2. lightpuma says:

    I would’ve just forged the signature. Not like they got a database to run a cross reference.


    • MrJohnson says:

      That does sound like a better idea but I was either too scared or too worried that my forging skills were incompetent.


      • lightpuma says:

        LOL true story:

        We went to Pakistan recently and the local language there is Urdu. My little brother can’t read or write in Urdu.

        So he goes to this kid’s house, and there are a bunch of baby rabbits. My bro asks the kids dad if he can have one. The dad gives my bro a paper and is like “go get this signed by an adult”. The paper says: “please sign this if the child should be given a rabbit”.

        My bro comes home and asks people to sign it, but like everyone is busy talking and no one is paying attention. So he forges my uncle’s signature in English, doesn’t even spell his name right, and uses his nickname b/c he doesn’t even know his real name. Obviously he got caught.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s