In a post apocalyptic world, I will reign supreme. With the The Better Business Bureau no longer existing, BBB will take on a new meaning. I will have an ample supply of beans, bullion and bullets. No one can fuck with me and I’ll get all the bitches. I wouldn’t be able to trust any of these women though so locking up my 3 B’s as well as hiding the key is a must. It might be beneficial to take in another male for added muscle but then I’d have to worry about him intruding on my women. On second thought, I’d better lock my B’s in a safe with a combination lock instead of a key. They can take my key but they can’t take my brain.
Metal detectors will make its way up the food chain of devices. People are going to bury some of their valuables and I will definitely bury some of my 3 B’s. I won’t be able to trust anyone in the beginning but I think I’m going to have to sooner or later. The constant paranoia would be taxing. It might be a domino effect though. I let someone in, give them the key to my heart then the key to my 3 B’s and that will be the beginning of the end. Forget it, no bitches. The 4th B will just complicate things.
The yuppies think they are all that now but wait until the apocalypse comes. Their $100 t-shirts and foodie knowledge ain’t going to do shit for them. The fall from up high is hard and they will have no beans to cushion their fall. With no beans they will be stealing small yappy dogs for food.
My mother will be out there somewhere but I’m not going to worry about her too much because in this new world my inheritance has no value. I hope she was smart enough to stock up on some beans. I haven’t decided if I’m going to keep my landlord and his wife around. They mind their own business upstairs but sooner or later they are going to come knocking for my beans. By then they will likely have the characteristics of a zombie, walking around all disoriented and desperate. I might have to use a couple bullets and put them out of their misery. I guess that would make me a bad tenant.
When Friday night rolls around, it will be just like old times. You have to treat yourself every so often and taking a break from beans is a must. I will be having Spam a la mode.