Talking to a Teddy Bear


I’m not sure what it means when a 34 year old guy has a teddy bear on his bed.  It’s somewhere along the lines between gay and pathetic.  I’ve taken it to one more step.  I talk to this bear and this bear speaks back to me in the voice that I have assigned to him in my head.  It’s sort of a cartoony kind of voice.

On Friday, my cousin and I played this little game of eating at a shopping mall food court and then finding something to buy for $15.  This game is called Two Guys in Their 30’s Being a Couple of Homos.  You wouldn’t think finding something to buy at a big shopping mall would be difficult but it can be when you have no idea what you want.  The only rule was that you could not buy anything that you would normally need like toilet paper, shampoo, etc unless if it was unique in some way.  Unique could also mean $15 for a syringe size bottle of shampoo.

It was closing time and the only stores of interest to me that were in close range were a department store, kitchenware store and a As Seen on TV store.  I was getting desperate and was about to settle on a knife sharpener or a knife specifically for cutting cheese.  I didn’t feel good about any of those two so I went to the department store and everything was overpriced except this bear.

The tag says his name is Philip.  He is a charity bear meaning half of all sales go to this company’s charity foundation that supposedly helps Canadian families in need.  He’s a good looking bear and a soft one.  I felt kind of ripped off for buying a teddy bear at first but now it doesn’t seem so bad.  It was for a good cause and he keeps me company.

When he speaks to me he always says nice things and is really positive and encouraging.  I feel bad cause I’m afraid to disappoint Philip with my not so positive way of life.


11 comments on “Talking to a Teddy Bear

  1. ntfcnicky says:

    That is kinda cute. I have loads of teddies and cuddly dogs and stuff on my bed still, I can’t ever see myself ditching them xD


  2. byKrisB. says:

    Philip is adorable. You’re weird.
    You should rename him TED and do crazy fun things with him. It’ll seem totally normal. I promise.


    • MrJohnson says:

      Philip is a pretty good looking bear. Some might consider me weird. I thought about taking Philip to places. I wouldn’t feel that weird doing it but I can imagine people would think I’m a bit crazy. However, if I made a movie named PHILIP and made millions of dollars I would then be considered a genius.


  3. Haha don’t leave any sharp objects around him when you go out.


  4. Anonymous says:

    lol I used to have a stuffed lion called Lion. I used to talk to him a lot. But then when I was like 16 I gave him to this kid, but that kid only wanted Lion on a whim and I didn’t have to give Lion away. I shouldn’t have ever given him away, but I just didn’t wanna attach myself to an item like that. I’m kind of unreliable with material items. I can hold onto something for years and then give it away on a whim. It must be the nomad inside me. I have a fear of accumulating more items than I can run away with if zombies strike.


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