Happiness and Sadness

Your happiness and sadness can be the result of the thoughts, emotions and beliefs you have available for your equation.  Sometimes you will always have that one constant variable that makes everything equal a positive.  No matter what happens life is good.  On the flip side no matter what happens life isn’t so good.

For a lot of my life and especially lately, I’ve taken all the variables in a given situation and in my head it always equals a negative outcome.  I believe everything will end up equaling zero or negative.  Perhaps the moment may be at +4 but the lack of ignorance and wishful thinking in my equation tells me that sooner or later it will turn into a zero or less.  Possibly it’s my own fault for trying to solve equations that I never studied for.

If you have enough ignorance in your emotional equations you can always calculate your equations to equal positive.  If 4 is happiness and your equation only equals 3 then you can find a 1 somewhere in your bag of tricks.  If you don’t have that 1 then you’ll always fall short.

Maybe it’s not ignorance that is your constant variable for happiness.  Maybe you just have strong beliefs or it’s your outlook on life.  Maybe they are disguises for ignorance.  The exact same could be said about repeated outcomes of sadness.

If your equation always ends up equaling to 4 then why look to change anything?  If you’re always equaling to 3 then you’re going to have to find another 1 or change a 1 into a 2.  Maybe you’re always equaling to 5 and need to minus 1.  Maybe this makes no sense or isn’t as interesting as I thought it would be.

Life is Like a Computer


Computers are just like people.  They have memory, a brain, viruses and get parts replaced.  Your computer is almost a reflection of yourself.  You can get a pretty good idea of what a person is like if you search through their files and look through their browsing history.  Our computer is like our Mini Me.

If you don’t take care of it then it will get sick.  Engaging in promiscuous behaviour will invite viruses that can put you out of commission.  If you had protection this could have been all avoided but now you might have to go see a PC doctor to get checked out.

If you download and upload negative information you are likely to only receive similar content.  It’s a difficult step to erase your hard drive but it can be done and you can start a fresh new life.  Sometimes your hard drive gets dementia and you have no choice but to reformat it.  Luckily if you need vital parts there are many donors available for transplant.

Your computer is like your life in that you can use it for evil, good, work, play, nothing or a bit of everything.  You can do anything you want with your computer until you can’t.

When you become old and obsolete less people will want you.  The young and hip crowd won’t even look at you but there might be some desperate folk out there who will take you in.  You’re slower, have less memory and not capable of keeping up with the latest hardware and software trends. Once you can no longer function you get thrown into a recycling home with a bunch of other decrepit computers that are on their way out who will soon be forgotten.


A Different World

When it comes to human behaviour, change is slow but always inevitable if change is the course of path that is desired.  We latch on to comfort and can only let go slowly.  Our instinct to resist change is similar to a government that keeps ridiculous laws.

Marijuana laws have come a long way since the 50’s but at a ridiculous slow pace.  Even with all the experience and scientific information about marijuana that we know today it’s still illegal and possessing it can get you jail time and ruin your life.  One day, I don’t know when but marijuana and probably a few other popular illegal drugs will be more legal in some way.  That’s just the way it’s going.  I think the whole legalizing marijuana thing is the biggest movement since equal rights for women.  Life must be easy over here.

When something begins to get popular that goes against the government’s interests, they do everything in their power to make it illegal as possible and legalizing it after that takes at least a century or until legalization is for their best interests.

We look back and find so many aspects of life in the past where we say, “I can’t believe it was like that.”  Before you couldn’t say this, wear that or do this.  I wonder what they will say about our era 50 years from now.  We’ll probably be thought of as a bunch of nuns and priests compared to future generations minus the child molesting.  They’re going to laugh at how we injected shit into our faces cause we thought it could make us look prettier or how we were so entertained by reality shows about nothing.

Recently I saw a big pile of dog crap on someone’s lawn and thought how maybe one day they will have dog DNA test machines to test a dog’s crap which would then process it in a dog DNA registry to find out the owner of the dog so that they can fine them.

People are always wanting to fight for new human rights and social change.  There must be some people out there who will one day fight for the right to take a dump anywhere and will use discrimination as an argument saying that if dogs can why can’t they.  The story behind it will be some person had to take a number 2 when they were out and about but there was no washroom around so they shit their pants and it caused them embarrassment, mental stress and financial ruin.

Reminds me of the story of Sock Boy back in high school.  He did a number 2 at school and there was no toilet paper so he had to use his sock. His defense was, “you would do the same thing.”

Finding a Way Out of Working

I am like a mouse and 9 to 5 is my maze that I’m constantly trying to find a way out of.  I don’t really care if there is a piece of cheese waiting for me on the outside or not.  All that matters is that I find a way out without getting my tail snapped off.  As many as you working stiffs like myself may know, it’s not an easy task.

There was this one desperate idea that I came up with.  The plan would be to have a rich homosexual man fall in love with me.  I figure if the majority of heterosexual males lust after Asian women then the majority of homosexual males feel the same towards Asian guys.  I keep my body in pretty decent shape, look young for my age, I naturally have very little body hair and I’ve even had a stripper comment on how smooth my skin is.

My idea seemed okay until the thought of getting butt plugged by a guy would be a reality.  Possibly a daily reality.  That didn’t sit well with me and I probably wouldn’t be able to sit well either.  A better plan would be to get into the drug game and try to make it rich that way.  If I succeed then it’s all good.  If I don’t succeed and go to jail then I can get butt raped but this idea at least gives me a chance to not give my asshole up right away.

Message To All You Proud Fat People

Sometimes I come across blogs with female authors who basically promote fatness.  Their message is to not care about what you eat and how you look.  Don’t be ashamed of your ‘curves.’    By curves do they mean folds?

This is the world we live in.  We get into these less than desirable lifestyles and get offended when someone doesn’t treat you the same.

If you want to be fat I guess that’s your choice but you shouldn’t be telling the world that it’s okay cause it’s not really.  When you are before middle age and you’re kind of fat it’s not as bad.  Once you get older though it’s just not about looks it’s about your health and mobility.

To all you proud fat people…the food that you are eating is not real food!  That’s why you are fat!  You weren’t meant to be that fat.

To promote that eating whatever you want, when you want is okay is just the same as promoting drug use.  You’re telling people to do something negative to themselves.  There’s nothing wrong with a few extra pounds but that kind of mentality just gets you fatter.
You don’t want to be in your senior years and have a difficult time just getting up cause of your extra 60 pounds of fat.

There’s nothing good about being obese so stop telling yourself it’s such a great thing to not care.  Besides not looking better, there’s no way that you would feel better than if you were at a healthy weight.  “But healthy is a subjective term.”  Yes it is but have you ever heard of a fat healthy person.  You know what fat is, don’t lie to yourself.

Yes I know it sucks that the whole world doesn’t treat you as nice as they do thinner people but that’s just life.  Yes you can accept it but not being fat is in your total control.  “That’s what you think.  My metabolism and genetics.’  Come on, that is BS for 99% of obese people  If those 400 pound guys can lose 200 then almost anyone can.  They must have the shit genetics you’re referring to.

Think of it this way.  You think you cannot lose weight no matter what you do.  Okay, what if you stopped eating completely?  Wouldn’t you lose weight?  Of course you would.  You would be thin as a rail and die.  So if this is true wouldn’t eating less or healthier cause you to lose weight?

Most of the time people lie about how they have tried everything.  Usually they end up cheating and say it’s impossible cause there’s no way anyone can do this.

I understand that genetics make it more difficult for some people to lose weight but it doesn’t mean it’s not possible.  And it’s understandable if losing weight is too difficult for you but don’t be spreading your fat mantras so that other fat people can find a reason to give up.

Telling people that being fat should be celebrated is like poor people telling people to be proud of being poor.  You never see it cause that would be ridiculous.  As ridiculous as wanting to be fat.  Being fat is just a battle with yourself.  There’s no other competition trying to step on you to get ahead.  It’s not a rat race to prevent fatness.

So next time the airline says you should pay for 2 seats cause your ass is too big, you should pay for 2 seats.

Like Family

When most people define ‘family’ it’s usually a title reserved for people who share blood or who are related by law.  In order to have long lasting relationships you have to consider each other family otherwise the people in your life will just become a girlfriend or boyfriend in your early 20’s.  They will be people who will be with you when it’s easy but once you want different things you will part ways.

It’s weird, when you have it in your head that you are not family you automatically allow yourself to cut ties with that person much easier.  To me family goes past blood.  Family are the people you want in your regular life not just somewhere in your life.  You don’t have to be related by blood or by law to be family.  Your pet is your family cause it is with you everyday and you treat it like family.

If you don’t treat someone like family then they are likely to drift away.  Family is your tribe.  When humans were more of a tribal community they saw each other everyday.  It didn’t matter who shared blood.  If you don’t feel the family bond then your instincts are to go else where.

It’s just the same with blood.  Someone can be your dad or brother but if they don’t treat you like family then they are just another person.  People like to abuse those family titles and just as many people buy into it.  You don’t treat your brother like a brother if he treats you like a 3rd class acquaintance.

We have titles for people in our lives like friend, godfather, best man but they mean nothing if you don’t treat them like family.  In your head and in theory you think you can remain close with those people without ever seeing each other but in reality it’s just not true.  Everything works in theory cause we can rationalize it in our heads.

Finding Yourself

If you think you need to find yourself you probably aren’t that happy with your current life.  It basically means you feel lost.  When I told people I was going to take off to another country alone for a few months, a common question was,

“are you going there to find yourself?” or “are you doing some soul searching?”

Not really.  It gets kind of cold where I am and it’s not over there.   Plus it was either take off or find a job.

I don’t think I’ve ever gotten closer to finding myself by going anywhere or doing anything.  I’ve always been a lost soul.  There have been times I would even look to religion hoping that it would point me to the right direction.  It didn’t do a damn thing.

My beliefs of what life was suppose to be never changed even when life was 2000 miles away from home.  My only accomplishment was successfully distracting myself.  I’ve only ever came closer to finding myself when I started challenging my beliefs that were held in place by  years of forced conditioning.  That’s what it’s really about.  Tearing down yourself.  You need to destroy in order to rebuild.  Good luck trying to build a house on top of a broken one.

Instead of continuing to torture myself by semi-following societal beliefs, I just decided to let go.  Although it feels more peaceful now, I’m not sure if I’ve made any progress finding myself or if I’ve just decided to be more of a loser.  I suppose you could rationalize it anyway you want to if you wanted to debate.

The rebuilding process is still a confusing one.  I don’t even know what I’m building.  I don’t even have blueprints.  At least I’m not unknowingly painstakingly building someone else’s project anymore.  I have my own blank canvas to paint on with my choice of colours.  I just need to start painting.  It could turn out to be a disaster but at least it will be an original disaster.

Wasting Your Life

If you were to waste something it would mean that it could have been made more useful but for whatever reason it wasn’t.  An expired coupon, expired food in the fridge, staying home all weekend, half a can of beer, are some examples.

If you spent your whole life being a drunk, never stepping outside of your house or dying a foolish death, most would say that you wasted your life.  The idea is that you could have lived your life more enjoyably had you taken a better route which would then be considered not a waste.  I suppose but I don’t know if it can be considered a waste of a life.  What happens at the end anyway?  Your life is like a computer.  It spends its life collecting memories and when it gets old and broken it dies, along with all the memories.

If you enjoyed most of your life most people wouldn’t consider it a waste even though you might have been useless to the world.  A lot of the negative feelings that come from feeling like you wasted your life has a lot to do with ego.  You resent that you didn’t have the joy that you wanted and there’s no way of getting those years back.  Your life didn’t measure up the way you wanted it to so it feels like a waste.

You might be at an age where you don’t feel that you wasted your life yet but you’re afraid that you are going to waste it and it’s scary.  Even though you know nothing that you do or don’t do in your life time will really matter after you die, the thought of sitting there in the future with undesirable memories is dreadful.

So I don’t know if you can really waste a life.  You can definitely feel shitty about your entire life but having enjoyed it doesn’t mean your life was of any use.  You could have spent your whole life helping others which would sound like a useful life but I’m not sure how much that would matter either.

It’s funny how when you are in the younger years of your life, you have this idea that when  you are in the latter part of your life that you will feel like a loser if you don’t do something in the years leading to older age.  I think it is nature’s way of preventing you from skimming by.  If you are alive it wants you to do something.  It wants you to contribute to your society.  If you fail then it will punish you with misery and make you think that when you are old you will be forced to sit there and feel like you wasted your life.

I have uncles and aunts who lived many years thinking they were doing the right thing all their life but they don’t seem to be too happy with the results now that they are older.  Some of them probably think they wasted their life and some of them probably tell themselves whatever they need to in order to make themselves feel better.

In terms of evolution what purpose does being old, having regret and resentment serve?  My only guess is so that the younger generation avoids doing what you did.  There was a time when if you were old it was already a great accomplishment.  Being old isn’t a sign of competency anymore.  I think that’s what it’s all about.  If you feel that you lived a competent life then it will not feel like you wasted your life.  What’s a competent life?  That’s really up to the individual but many times it doesn’t seem to be either.


The Game of Snooker



I’m not sure how well known the game of snooker is to most of the world.  My guess is that not too many people in North America have played the game.  Snooker is a billiards game similar to pool but more difficult.  A standard pool table is much smaller and the holes are much bigger.  Not only are the holes bigger but they are shaped in a way which makes it easier to sink balls.

Snooker is more of a UK game which might be the reason why it has some popularity in Hong Kong (British influence).  Being that there are so many people from Hong Kong living here in Vancouver the game also followed.

The basic idea of the game is that you shoot a red ball first and if you sink one, you then try to sink a coloured ball.  A red ball is worth 1 point and the coloured balls are worth 2 to 7 points depending on the colour.  Red, colour, red, colour, until you miss and then it’s the other person’s turn.  Every time a coloured ball is sank it gets put back on the table until there are no more red balls left. The person with the most points wins.

I spent a lot of my youth in a billiards hall.  I’m not sure why my friends and I chose billiards as the entertainment for our youth but I think one of the big reasons was that it was a great place to loiter.

We started out playing 8-ball but soon took up snooker for reasons that I don’t remember.  It’s a very unforgiving game compared to regular pool.  If you’re off just a bit the ball will not go in.  It’s frustrating when you suck cause a game can go on for close to an hour.  I can play a game of 8-ball in 10 minutes.

In the decade of 2000 to 2010 nearly all the billiard places shut down.  I don’t know, the game just stopped being popular.  How does a game like pool get popular or unpopular?  I don’t know again.  Maybe rent just became to expensive here for a pool hall.

After all those hours I spent playing billiards, I still suck, at snooker anyway.  I mean, if I sucked any more than I do now, no one would want to play with me.  I find it insane how the snooker pros can sink so many balls in one turn.  I’m pretty satisfied sinking 1 ball every few attempts.

The only pool halls that exist here are in this one suburb where it’s largely populated by Chinese immigrants.  I went a few times recently and really enjoyed playing again.  I guess it doesn’t matter if no one wants to play with me cause I go at it alone anyway.  It’s actually cheaper rates if you play alone too.  In some way it’s meditative when you play alone.  You can really just be in the zone. Being a loner has its up sides.

Here is a picture of my new snooker cue.  It has the signature of some really good player that I don’t know a thing about.  The price of cues have gone down dramatically.  20 years ago the cheapest one we could find was $150.  These days you can get one for $80 and for $150 you’re getting a pretty decent looking cue.  I think they use crappier wood now.