To be able to say that you think a certain way about something you had to of actually thought about it. Everyone always says they ‘think’ this and that but it is not really the case. The reality is what they think they think is really just based on their instincts and beliefs that they never questioned past the point to what doesn’t make them feel good.
People love to tell you that they think you should do this and that but they never really thought about it. They see a problem and the first solution in their head is what they would do. So often when people tell me what they think, the first thing I think of saying is, “I can’t believe I’m talking to you.” I’m pretty exhausted with explaining to people that they have their heads stuck up their asses.
I guess I am partly to blame for putting myself in situations where I am with these types of people when I know what I’m probably in for. Sometimes I just tell myself that maybe there will be an understanding. Perhaps I’m just so desperate to connect with someone that I give myself this false hope. When enough time passes without seeing people, I get this notion that something will change. Or maybe I just give into my boredom.
When you have never had to really question your path in life or ever encounter someone who is different from you then it is likely you won’t have that open of a mind. When you are younger, you start out at similar positions with everyone else around you. You start off an inch apart but if you are moving in different directions, you will be miles apart down the road. Your connection is close in the beginning but after enough time has elapsed you disconnect. You feel so disconnected that the hope of you ever reconnecting is as likely as a HDMI cable fitting into a USB port.
Feeling connected is like being plugged into a source where you are all feeding off the same energy. Once you unplug you are no longer part of the system and feel detached and isolated.
When I talk to people I’ve known for so many years and they say something that only makes sense cause they want it to, I mentally sigh and can barely find the calories to debate. Then it all makes sense to me how some people just take off into the woods and live life alone. They pick berries and hump trees to take care of their needs.
People think if they do nice things like give you stuff or try to make you feel special that it is going to open your heart and embrace them. I guess it does happen but I think it is only successful when you are still sort of plugged in.
Many people walk away with a good feeling when they are comforted by kind words and nice gestures. Comfort seems to be the #1 goal when it comes to maintaining relationships. You don’t want to take the chance to upset anyone and you don’t want to put yourself in a position where you might feel bad. You also don’t want anyone to make you feel uncomfortable regardless if it is the truth that you need to hear. We have this idea in our head that if we make people feel comfortable then we are a good enough person.
When we want to show someone that they are important to us the game plan is to usually do something nice for them. You buy them dinner, give them a gift, throw out an invite or say nice things. Believing that people care about you makes you feel important and worthy. I used to feel that way. Well, I still do but only in certain situations. Perhaps if it’s someone I don’t know very well then it feels like a genuine gesture. I guess it’s cause I don’t expect much from that person or anything at all.
Free meals and gifts don’t do shit for me anymore. I’ve evolved past that kind of thinking. I know it means hardly anything to the one providing free stuff as well. It means something but not much. I’m too far gone to be brought back by free meals, invitations, kind words, gifts. Give me something that will change my life for the better and I’ll see it as a meaningful gesture. Not that anyone is obligated to do such a thing.
You grow up being taught that being a nice person and all those other things will be enough to live a happy life. That’s just one of those comforting bullshit lines. The truth is, no one will want much to do with you unless if you are like them or they can benefit off you. You can’t depend on anyone in this world cause people probably aren’t thinking much about you.
When making decisions in life you have to dedicate your energy on what is going to benefit you for the long term and putting your bet on people is likely the wrong move. People will accept you more for what you have than who you are. That’s just the truth. If you can’t accept it then that’s alright but it’s going to suck. Even if you accept it but don’t like it then it’s still going to suck.
It’s weird as you get older. You grow tired of things in life that you never thought you would of. Motivation, hope, desire, dwindle because you find it impossible to see things like you used to. Maybe it’s just age related or hormones but I think life just wears you down sometimes. I think we all have a best before date and some of us are like canned food and others are like dairy products. Maybe we don’t quite expire but we’re just not as good as before.