I’m having this reoccurring issue at work with this new guy that I have to deal with on most days. He questions me, debates with me and completely refuses to listen to me. I’m not his manager but he should take my guidance since he doesn’t really know how things work.
For a new guy who is on probation to debate with someone who is not, would be considered not a very smart move. When you are on probation the company can fire you if they think you are ugly. They don’t need much of a reason. In fact, they will fire you if they fear you will be a problem in the future since it is much more difficult to can someone once they pass their probationary period.
This guy goes as far as to tell me what he thinks I should do. I hate to be judgmental but I also love to be at the same time. In the past I would meet these type of people and write them off as simply messed in the head. Now I ask myself, what’s this guy’s story? He told me he was from America. The first thing I think is, what brings you here? He told me he has a wife here so that explains how he got into the country. If I wanted to be really judgmental I would think that he was having a difficult time making it back home and found his way to Canada for free health care. Or maybe he just met someone, fell in love and ended up here.
Either way he probably wasn’t doing so well in America. I get the sense that he has had trouble with previous employment, more specifically that he probably has had difficulty keeping his jobs. I think this cause he seems awful paranoid about getting in trouble with his superiors. He questions me cause he thinks that I’m going to get him in shit by following my advice. He’s an idiot though cause if he had any common sense he would know that if he doesn’t get along with me, I have to tell someone. He obviously doesn’t know how things work.
I have this feeling that Canada often gets a lot of leftovers from America. The few Americans that have been employed at my company have ended up getting fired. Again, I sound like a dickhead but I can’t help but think these guys only came up here cause life sucked from them down there. They are probably the type that make bad decisions after bad decisions. Who knows though, maybe their wives make good money in Canada so the better bet is to come up here.
So ya, I don’t like this guy very much and he probably doesn’t like me. He’s the fourth guy I’ve trained on his route and I’ve never had any problems at all with the others. I got along great with the others. People label me as the easiest guy to work with. A part of me wants to talk to him and tell him that he has a better chance of getting fired because of his attitude rather than his work performance but at the same time this guy is likely going to be a problem for others.
I also work along side with a guy from Serbia. He’s tall, older and has a Serbian accent. It’s funny, my first impression of him was that he was a tough, no nonsense kind of guy. As I got to know him he’s quite a beta male. Why did I think of him the way I did? I don’t know but it’s funny how it is. I would of never have tried to take advantage of him before but now that I know him I still wouldn’t but if I were that type of guy I would. For some reason tall guys with eastern European accents make me think they won’t take shit from anybody. Must be from the movies that I get my rationale.
Canada is one of the first choices for people who are looking for a better life from another country. I often hear their choices were Canada or Australia. Australia is so similar to Canada. The population, culture and origins. Well, Canada wasn’t a country of prisoners in the beginning. Yes I’m being a dickhead again. When I went to Sydney and Melbourne I felt so comfortable almost cause it was so similar to Vancouver. I could move there and adjust no problem.
White people are going to be the minority here soon. Half of the population are non-white and I don’t think that many white people are immigrating here. What does that mean? Nothing really. Just less white people and more non-white people.
After work I went to Safeway to buy chicken wings and the line up for flowers was over 10 people long at around 7pm. Traffic was busier than usual too. You think a single guy would be sad on Valentine’s Day but I had a smile on my face. I was like, fuck this. You guys are stressing out and spending a wad of cash on something that is going to die in a few days.
Shit, I just remembered how I used to buy my mom flowers when I was a kid for her birthday. I really loved my mom when I was a kid even though I never saw her. She was all that I had. Her redneck truck driving boyfriend at the time would make fun of me for how I used to follow my mom around like a puppy dog. Well, no shit, I only saw her 2 hours a week. Was I suppose to warm up to his cold spirit? That guy was a cheap fuck. During the 7 years I lived with him he bought me like 3 presents. Just reminds me again. He got divorced and vowed to never marry again. His marriage must have really killed him but I know now that he was really in love with his ex-wife at one time cause in his bedroom he still had a huge portrait of them both naked, embracing each other while kissing. I think he saw that even though he was so in love, marriage will change the relationship so there’s no point in getting married.
It’s kind of weird how society expects everyone to be ‘normal.’ I have never grew up seeing a normal relationship so I don’t think it’s that odd that I am the way that I am. People think I can be so normal cause if you met me I seem like a pretty normal dude. But when you start to get close to me that’s when you start to see the demons. People can’t see why I have so much trouble being ‘normal.’ I guess I’m a good actor and I have a good sense of what’s going on around me.
To tell you the truth, I can be pretty content with what I do on most days. The main problem is when I start thinking about how it could be better or the fear of the unknown. Even when I’m having my good moments I think about how I still have to take care of my life. Take care meaning, finding a place where I no longer have to think, “what am I going to do?” It ruins everything. It makes it impossible to be care free for very long.
I was thinking recently how it should be considered rude to ask someone, “how’s it going?” I think it’s somewhat common knowledge that on any given day many people aren’t doing that great. It’s almost like asking, “hey, how’s the cancer making you feel today?”
I curse my friends for how they think and everything but I think the main issue is the expectations and the pretentiousness cause there’s people I don’t mind seeing who are associated with the same group but the big difference is there’s no expectation. My friends got me through all those years where I would be totally alone otherwise so there’s gratitude there. Unfortunately, life changes for everyone but there’s no easy way to end it. I’m sure there will be an amicable agreement one day.
I did a post earlier about a joke about Valentine’s Day and not beating your woman. It was inspired by this incident at work today where one guy yelled out to another, “hey make sure you give your wife a good Valentine’s” and I impulsively yelled out, “ya, don’t beat her tonight.” People found it funny and horrifying at the same time. I enjoyed it.
Reminds me of the time this guy at work was saying how this big black guy who worked with us would seem like a robber if you saw him at your doorstep but he’s really like a big teddy bear. I replied, “you’re only saying that cause he’s black.” Shit, there was no love there. Hahaha. It was all straight faces. I thought it was funny. I thought it was so funny I told the black guy about it later and he laughed. C’mon that guy set himself up. Or maybe no one expects anyone to be that crude. Oh well. I should know better when the audience is a Christian and a white girl.
When I was younger like in my early 20’s I used to picture myself driving a nice car and thought how cool it would be. I realize now it was all to impress other people. Once I disbanded from everyone, nice cars and new clothes didn’t mean anything at all. It taught me that what is important to you is important to you cause it’s important to the people that you identify with.
I’m getting to the point of my blogging career where I feel that I start to become repetitive in content and even for word for word. I talk about ‘it’s all about believing’ and use religion as an example. I use religion because it’s such a whacky concept but people truly believe it. So if people can believe that it clearly shows they can believe anything with even the slightest resemblance of irrational truth.
I had this job before and I always felt lost. There was a customer who saw my discomfort and decided to give some advice. “When in doubt just look up there for answers.” Up there meaning God. I just sighed and was like whatever. I wish it was that easy for me. Look up and everything is solved. I think religion is for desperate people. When you get really desperate you start praying to God cause you’ve lost all other hope. I think that’s why black people seem to be so into the Jesus Christ thing. They came from times where there was no hope and believing in something that no one could take away from you was all that you had. Otherwise they’d probably kill themselves but probably kill their slave master first.
Do I have to tell you that I’ve been writing this whole thing high? Oh..now it makes sense. I like to get high. Why not? It feels good. I get inspired and tap into another part of myself that wouldn’t normally be available otherwise. I’ve been drinking too. That’s how it goes. I really only planned to drink but then I got a buzz and pulled out the drugs from my drawer. Life’s a bitch and then you die, that’s why we get high cause you never know when you going to go.
Apparently drinking and doing drugs is really bad. The 2 mix together and do bad stuff to your liver. Oh well. Fuck my liver. It’s my liver. I own it. It’s my bitch. I won’t let my liver be the boss of me. ROOOOAAARRRR!!!!!!
The world is becoming a scary place with the job situation and housing prices. The pinnacle of capitalism was when the man could work one blue collar job and support a whole family with no issues at all. Those days are so gone. Even if you make $100,000 a year it’s not all shits and giggles if you want a family and the whole 9 yards. With the way it’s looking it’s just going to get harder and harder for western societies to live a comfortable life. That’s the way it goes I guess. Nothing lasts forever. I think being a young adult in the early 90’s was the last chance to live that comfortable life.
Capitalism is nearing its end in the form that we know of. It was great in the beginning but it just became a monster that is controlled by monsters.
I took this photo on the tail end of my shift today. Rainbows are so beautiful. Annnd I sound like a homo. When I was studying with the Jehovah Witnesses I remember the story of the rainbow. Apparently a rainbow signified the end of a storm. Something like that anyway. It was sort of like a promise from God. It was kind of neat.
When I was studying with the Jehovah Witnesses I told her flat out, “I’m never going to commit to this religion. I just want to learn about the bible.” She appreciated my honesty but thought that she could change me. Fool. She admired me for my honesty and thought I’d be a great Jehovah Witness because of it. Fuck that. I think I’d rather kill myself than be a Jehovah’s Witness. Or I would have a bad drug problem. Because of my interactions with her I can spot Jehovah Witnesses in an instant. Even when I look left to make a right turn, if I see Jehovah Witnesses, I know it’s them. They always travel in two’s and dress decently, holding some kind of briefcase. No one else walks around like that.
I think this is my longest post yet. Do I need to apologize to my handful of readers? Even though I apparently have 200 something. Fake fucks. I look at other blogs with lots of attention and I ask myself, what’s wrong with my blog? I’ve come to the conclusion that people don’t generally like the stuff I write about. I can understand. It gets pretty unattractive sometimes. I just couldn’t imagine myself being one of those bloggers who are all up beat and always trying to amuse. There’s tons of those blogs. I like my blog cause it’s mine and no one can even try to imitate me.
I’d hate to reply to more than 5 comments on a regular basis. I’m good with like 3. I never even meant for this blog to become what it has become. I started it thinking I would invite all my friends to see while getting to know this WordPress thing. It’s like this blog caught a disease and became a parasite in the community. I feel bad sometimes writing the things that I do. Sometimes happy people read my blog and I don’t want to put any damper on their day or future day. I can be pretty convincing sometimes.
I really don’t mean to be negative. There’s just parts of life that I see that seem ridiculous. That’s life though. It’s ridiculous. We’re drinking water from the tap, driving cars, talking to each other through signals. When you take death out of the equation it makes for a pretty boring life most of the time. As depressed as anyone can be, if they had to fight for their life, they would. To fight to better yourself outside of comfort is another story.
There’s no way I’m going to proofread this cause it’s too long. Sorry. You will have to deal with atrocious grammar. English as a second language. Cut me some slack. Imagine if I had white parents? I’d be throwing 5 syllable words in your face without misplacing any modifiers. But I’m just a ghetto blogger with unique ideas.
Feel so good right now. Hahaha. I’m lucky that I don’t have an addictive personality or I’d be fucked. I’ve always been able to quit anything. I’ve been smoking for 20 years but not really. As long as I don’t have the drugs in my possession, I won’t do it. If I go out and buy it I am admitting that I need to have it. It hasn’t happened yet. I’m very good at achieving goals that require me to do nothing.
It’s kind of sad that I have 263 posts and so little attention. I must not be telling people what they want to hear. At the same time there’s always a couple people who don’t think I’m totally off my rocker. I see these other blogs that get so much attention and I think to myself, what’s so great about the stuff you write? Perhaps I’m just being biased towards myself thinking my ideas are so interesting.
I like bloggers like myself who blog but hardly get any attention. It tells me that they are writing for themselves and enjoy it. Most people start this blog journey and quit in month cause their blog didn’t take off. Those people were blogging for other people. To make anything last you have to be doing it for yourself.
All of you have been my friends for the last year or so. I’m more eager to communicate with you than with people in my real life. They read my stuff and shut off cause it doesn’t make them feel good. The mind is remarkable at telling yourself what you want to believe no matter how close the truth is to your face. It’s truly amazing.
I’m almost at 3000 words. That’s a new milestone for me. I hope I haven’t tortured you. If you’re reading this please leave a comment. It would be highly appreciated. OK? OK.
I love dogs. I drive around all day and stare at people with their dogs and envy them. I used to be a selfish asshole and never gave a thought to the dogs in my household. I regret it. But I wasn’t in that mind frame at that time. It was all about me. When you start caring less about yourself you give room to care more for other people. I don’t care to take that last slice of pizza anymore or free stuff that people give out. Stuff means nothing to me anymore. I’ve grown tired of material possessions and money. I love money but I can part with it much easier now. It’s like I’ve gotten to a point where it doesn’t do that much for me anymore in the smaller scale.
My favourite part of my job is giving dogs treats that I carry around. I embrace the moment they take the treat away from my hand and embrace the slobber even more. One day I will get my own. One of my aunt’s went crazy one time. She woke up one day and thought she was going to kill herself. She told her sister right away and drove her to the hospital. She was in the psych ward for a few weeks. Before that she quit her career to learn dog grooming. Her reasoning was that dogs don’t stab you in the back. Maybe but I think she was a little crazy too. I feel a little guilt for giving dog treats cause they can’t be that healthy. I wouldn’t eat anything with that many unpronounceable ingredients. Then again they eat their own shit and lick their crotch all day like an ice cream cone that never melts. I wonder why they designed humans to not be able to lick their crotch?
Well, it’s been swell as usual. I think I’m going to depart now. Unless if I think of some other random shit to say. If I had a shitload of money I would visit all of you. It definitely sounds more fun than working. But what would you do after? That’s always the question that stops us from doing a lot of things. Fear that our present actions will lead to a miserable future. Sometimes you just got to let go cause you’re going to die anyway. And once you do it’s done. There’s no legacy like you were lead to believe. Think about someone you know or don’t know that has died. You probably don’t think of them much or they don’t affect your regular life. So just remember, live life the way you want to live it cause no one else will give you the life that you want. Peace for now. Love you all.