When I was younger I would hear or see stories about how people lived on the edge and paid for it with their life. I instantly concluded that they were unlucky or idiots. Perhaps I really equated dying young to failure in life but quite possibly it just made me feel better about myself cause I was still alive. Maybe I was being a hater towards people who strived for greatness.
I don’t think I’m being crazy when I say most people plan their lives like they are going to live forever. We have this belief that we’re going to live well past the retirement age of 65. I guess there’s some truth to it if the average lifespan is somewhere in the 70’s. As possible as it might be, it seems kind of lame to devote so much of your younger years just so you can exist in an immobile prune like state in the future.
It seems like a shitty way to live, in my opinion. Unfortunately, the fear of suffering usually trumps the desire to live life to the fullest. Some people like to think they live life to the fullest but usually they are just living life to the fullest as much as their 60 year plan will allow them to. If you knew you were going to die in 5-10 years, you would probably stop living life the way you previously intended to. But you probably will live longer than 5-10 years so of course you should plan for that scenario? I suppose.
There’s this Chinese woman at work who is in her 50’s. She was telling me how she puts as much of her paycheque as possible towards her mortgage. She went on to say how this would cut her mortgage payments shorter by 4 years. It didn’t seem very inspiring. The advice she gives to her son is to not spend any money on anything except for necessary bills like gas and insurance for his car. That is such typical Chinese advice. I told her that’s too boring. She replied, “you have to think about the future.” I replied, “I already know what my future is. I’m going to die.” She rolled her eyes. I laughed like a wicked witch and drove off with my broom stick.
So what the heck am I even getting at? I think for many people, the misery of life is directly related to having to live their life according to their idea of when they will probably die. Decisions such as acquiring property, saving money, frugally spending, keeping your job, keeping ties with people you don’t really like, not getting high, all feel like a constant battle that we wage with ourselves.
If I could make a pact with myself to end my life at a certain age, I would feel free to live life to some kind of fullness. No regrets and no worries. Live hard, crash and burn. Theoretically, it wouldn’t matter. They say quality not quantity, right?
I can understand the mentallity of people who engage in professions that play with death. They can’t fathom the idea of living a regular schmuck life. They’d rather put their well being at risk and even risk death. To them, how they live is more important than how they die.