How to Be Happy

Or “how to not be so miserable.”  As your spiritual guru, I am going to bestow upon to you what the Eightfold Path may not have been able to accomplish.  I have brought you many other inspirational and enlightening posts such as The Purpose of Life , Being Happy and Getting HIgh isn’t True Happiness?  As a lover of life, I would like all others to be happy as well and if I can provide such a service then I must.

The secret to being happy is to NOT THINK.  Don’t ever attempt to turn the knob to 11.  Don’t turn it all the way down to 0 either but  leave it to around 2 or 3 cause  you don’t want to get smoked by a car or your balls ripped off by a dog.  See, if you have average brain power and use it to its full potential then you will likely come to the conclusion that life and people suck feces.  If your brain is not equipped with the thinking option then think all you want cause you’ll probably never see past anything that doesn’t make you feel good anyway.

Try it right now!  Resist thinking about how things really are and tell yourself it’s great!  You think your job is a drag?  “No it isn’t, no it isn’t, no it isn’t.”  The devil will find its way in if you let your guard down but you can push him away by chanting silently, “No it isn’t, No it isn’t.”  Coming home to no one but your bed, television and internet?  Tell yourself how great it is that you get to come home to your Sealy Posturepedic, futon or sleeping bag. “Oh man, I’m so lucky to have a bed. Yes I am, yes I am.”  The devil will come knocking and whisper, “you’re a loser. Everyone has a bed.  Only a dumbass wouldn’t be sad to be you.”  Perhaps he is correct but you know if you give him that satisfaction then you will lose.

Your brain is not meant to give you happiness for very long or very easily.  It is a tool to help you survive and remind you that your life is never good enough and can be better.  It will never be satisfied until it is convinced that you are at the top of your game.

While thinking or chanting to yourself about how great it is that you get running tap water, you will get thoughts of how you really know that you’re brainwashing yourself and implementing a strong sense of denial.  You have to tell these thoughts that you know the real truth but don’t care.

Please, chant with me.  “Life is good..I don’t care…Yes it is…Yes it is…Yes…it……I have shoes…indoor heat…name brand toothpaste…ughh..ahhh…..Y…ughh..e..s….it……is (sobbing).”


Fake is Real

There is nothing that is real except life and death.  All the activities and ambitions we involve ourselves in are just games to occupy a mostly meaningless life.  It’s real to us cause it’s our daily existence but it’s all made up.  Fantasies to keep us ticking and to keep the world moving.  This is what life has become, a series of simulations for stimulation.

You have to accept and embrace life’s present reality in order to be a seemingly happy and functioning person.  Depression and sadness are so often linked directly and indirectly to not wanting to be part of regular society.

LIfe consists of Facebook, birthday parties, possessions, vacations, celebrity gossip,  reality TV which is not very realistic and raising children to do the equivalent of their era.  I don’t know if there’s much of a choice sometimes.  We don’t have tigers to slay, wars to fight, food to grow or natural disasters to prepare for that may wipe us out.  We do but someone else takes care of that for us or at least gives us the sense that they do.

We’re no longer trying to survive but instead, striving to create some story for ourselves that will provide us with a comfortable pillow to sleep with when we are old.  To look back on our lives and be able to convince ourselves that it was a life worthwhile.

Life is a game some of us aren’t very good at.  Not everyone can or wants to play the national sport of their country that is embraced by the majority.  If that is the case you have to find another game to play or not play at all.  It’s probably impossible to enjoy life without having people to enjoy it with.  If you want to be accepted and be warmly embraced by other people you have to want to play what they are playing.

Text Messaging is for Fake Chickens

Technology was supposed to make our lives easier and it has in some ways but in other ways it just created the ability to do more work.  It has also changed the way we interact, communicate and has set new cultural norms.

Text Messaging

Before text messaging became inexpensive, people had to call their contact and use their voice to communicate.  We’ve left the method of voice communication and switched to typing multiple text messages instead which can sometimes take 5 or 10 messages to accomplish what one 1 minute phone call could do.  Why do we do this?

– we’re concerned we might be disruptive by calling
– it’s easier
– it’s not that important so a phone call is not necessary

Those are decent reasons I guess but text messaging can become disingenuous, misleading and pathetic.  Text messaging clears a person’s guilty conscience of being an unthoughtful and uncaring person.  I find this is the only kind of communication I have with friends and family these days.  With text messaging, people can now pretend they care about you without ever having to see or speak with you.  I think it’s pretty obvious people aren’t that interested in speaking with you when the only communication between you are obligatory invites by text message.  If your family or friends of 20 years are too uncomfortable to call you then you’re really not that important to them.

There are times I will call people without them answering and instead of a phone call back they will send a text message.  I don’t know, that’s kind of lame.  I think it has come to the point where people avoid using voice communication as much as possible.  They’d rather hide behind their screens like a shield to avoid any possible uncomfortable conversation.  Delaying and backspacing text so that they can tailor their responses to project a better image of themselves.

My cellphone company and textamarketers send me text messages but never call.  If you never verbally speak with someone by phone or person and only text, your intentions are possibly as genuine as theirs.

Text messaging has its place but sometimes it just doesn’t do the job and that’s when you need to make a phone call.  Well, you don’t have to but if you care you will.  It’s ok not to care but it’s not really ok to half-heartedly pretend.  Perhaps it’s not a person’s fault for showcasing their fakeness but maybe it’s the fault of technology for allowing this possibility.  “Staying connected” is looked upon as a new benefit that we should all embrace in our new world but the drawback is that you stay connected to parts of your life that might be better off severed.