It really sucks how there’s no recognition for people who are only sort of not normal. There’s so many people out there walking around that are semi-retarded, partly suicidal, little bit schizo, etc, but they don’t get the badge of honour from any doctor making them officially less normal and eligible for benefits. So without that stamp of approval they are expected to go out and live life with all the normal people and are also expected to have the same desires and the ability to achieve those desires. Without being certified fully f’d up everyone thinks there’s something disgustingly wrong with you when you can’t excel or even stay on par with what is considered a standard life in society.
On the other hand when you’re diagnosed as crazy or something then no one expects much from you and you expect less from yourself. It’s like a pass to be lazy, poor, fat or heavily medicated. When you are only half mentally ill you get no disability payments and it’s twice as hard to be normal compared to the average. Normal, meaning wanting to keep your employment, having motivation, an undying ego, spice for life, beliefs, hope. You know, all the things that make most people want to live and make them feel good about themselves.
Sometimes I feel like a plant that was watered with different water than all the other plants in the garden. Different fertilizer was used to help me grow and I didn’t get enough sunshine. I don’t think I’m half mentally ill but I’m missing the full desires that most people have. Without strong desires and hope, life becomes a somewhat painful routine of just getting by. When it is too much of a struggle to conform with society some choose to check themselves out of the sane asylum and venture into the dark side. For others the plunge into dark waters is too frightening for the time being so they only go in knee deep.