Feeling good to be happy

The idea of happiness is different for all cultures but also the same for all humans.  It’s not about what you have but how you feel about your life.  It usually has a lot to do with how your life compares to what you think the average is.  To feel good you have to feel like a winner or at least a ranked player.  On paper it would appear that you have won if you live in a first world country compared to someone in a third world country but it doesn’t seem like winning if you don’t compete with people who have at least some chance to achieve the same opportunities.  The starving kid in Africa feels good and happy when they eat 2 meals in one day but the same can’t be said for most in the western world.

Everyone always talks about “be happy with what you have” or “who cares what other people think” but it seems we can’t be happy unless we think other people think we should be happy.  We need approval from our community.  A community that can be your household, neighbourhood, work and even new people you meet.  That’s why people lie so often when you first meet them.  They exaggerate and hide aspects about their job, past, life in general cause they don’t think their life fits the model of a happy life.  The life everyone wants to have.  They don’t feel good about their life.

People will do anything to try to feel good about themselves just for the feeling that it will enhance their resume of life.  The accomplishments and travels are suppose to elevate the worthiness of their life.  I was hearing over the radio recently about how people are driving to Death Valley cause of the record breaking temperatures just so they can say they were there.  I don’t know, I don’t see the bragging rights from that.  There’s also this marathon in Death Valley during the hottest time of the year that some people like to do.  135 miles in 40 something degree celsius weather.  So hot that people are advised to run on the white painted lines instead of the asphalt otherwise their shoes might melt.  No prize money just a belt buckle for the ones who complete the course and the good feeling that comes along with it cause how many people can say they’ve ever done that?

All those people who are sad about their lives cause they see their job, disability, family, friends, loneliness are worse compared to most people they associate with, would feel a whole lot better or even “happy” if all those people suddenly had it worse than them.  I guess it comes back to the idea that acceptance is a big part of what we think happiness is.

We feel good when we accomplish tough, time consuming tasks that bring a reward cause it makes us feel competent.  You fought and you triumphed over adversity which will bring you admiration from others cause you’re going to make sure people know about it.

You have to sort of think that the things that we chase which we think will bring us happiness are usually what everyone else seems to be chasing as well.  Coincidence?  Doubt it.  So yes you are probably doing what you are doing cause everyone else is doing it.  You’re not as individualistic as you like to think you are just cause your favourite colour is puke green.  People approving and admiring your life equals happy.  People making fun of you, making you feel uncomfortable, awkward silence equals not happy.

The way I feel is this feeling good to be happy game comes with a lot of stiff competition no matter where in the world you are.  Feeling good is like clean drinking water.  Everyone wants it but not everyone can have it.

My disgustingly healthy dinner



This morning I had my usual fruit and hemp protein powder drink but the day went downhill after that.  I had a huge muffin and then Vietnamese food…vermicelli, fried pork, spring roll along with some sauce.  Thinking about what I was going to have for dinner and the thought of more meat and starchy carbs disgusted me especially if it was going to be at a restaurant.

I already had all the ingredients to make this salad so I did.  It’s a half organic salad.   It consists of green leaf lettuce, carrots, sweet potato, avocado, hard boiled egg, strawberries and just a bit of vinegar as dressing.   After eating something like this you feel all light and normal instead of dead and inflamed inside.  I’d really like to do this on a daily basis.

I used to be a real meat guy.  If I didn’t have any meat with my meal then I didn’t consider it a real meal.  These days I’ve been eating less meat.  I don’t know, it just doesn’t appeal to me as much anymore.  So ya, you don’t got to be a hippie or a girl to eat this kind of stuff.

This sounds kind of gay but whenever I eat this healthy I feel like I’m more spiritually connected with the universe.  I feel like I’m a branch connected to the universe’s tree.  Life just seems a little more pleasant.   When I eat crap I feel like fertilizer.

A bit about health

Taking care or trying to take care of your health is a son of a bitch.  It’s really no fun most of the time and difficult to even know if you’re doing the right things.  With all the half ass studies and research, knowledge about health can be almost like a faith.  Since food is something everyone puts in their mouth everyday there’s always going to be misleading information from any group that benefits economically from it.  You really have to question everything and at the end of the day critically question with an open mind if the food, drink, vitamin, drugs, chemical you put in your body was ever meant to be for human consumption.


Very regularly you will hear of a new study that found a link that this causes this and that helps this.  When you listen to the wording it’s all the same.  They use words such as, “possible”,  “link”, “suggests”, “may be”, “correlation”.  It’s never even close to being conclusive and it’s never studied in a controlled environment.  Many of the health studies use thousands of people as their test subjects over many years but communicate their eating habits through memory and the honour system.  The other flaw is that the research doesn’t  accurately account for lifestyle or fact that not everyone puts the same exact types of foods in their body.  The test subjects and the lack of control are the downfalls to the credibility of all these studies.  You can’t say red meat is bad for people cause lots of people who are unhealthy eat red meat.  They are unhealthy cause they eat everything, anything and anytime.  To really know if a particular food is unhealthy you would have to strictly monitor a bunch of people and only have that one food be the difference in their diet.  Counting on thousands of people’s feedback over many years is unreliable.  People are full of shit.  Also the researchers will tailor the questions and answers to the benefit of what they want the study to show.

Another thing about health findings when it comes to food is that sometimes there was never even any research done.  For the longest time they were saying eating more than 4 eggs a week was bad for you cause it would give you high cholesterol.  That was based on logic which was based on nothing.   The idea was that eggs contain lots of cholesterol, therefore if you eat lots of eggs you will have high cholesterol.  That’s it.  They never took a bunch of people and shoved eggs in them and then checked to see if their cholesterol levels went up.  According to the recommended daily value (RDI), 1 egg meets the maximum dose of cholesterol per day.  How do they even come up with what the RDI is?  I have no idea.  I don’t even know how one can.  The whole egg myth has been debunked.  They took like 30 people and shoved 1 egg in them a day for 30 days and their cholesterol didn’t go up at all.  Dietary cholesterol does not translate into high bodily cholesterol.   I could go on forever about food and nutrition myths.  I can almost say that anything taught in school about food and nutrition was bogus except that junk food is bad for you.

Sometimes they say this food has a lot of this so you should eat lots of it and it becomes the new superfood.  No one I knew was eating kale until recently.  I never even heard of it until recently.  More recently coconut water has been all the rage.  You couldn’t even find this stuff on supermarket shelves a few  years ago now they’re everywhere and people buy them in cases.  It’s more about money it seems than health.  A lot of foods are high in certain nutrients but there’s no information on how your body absorbs them or if it’s even able to.


What do you think of when you hear this word?  Something to the tune of getting off alcohol, drugs or maybe sticking up something up your butt.  To me anytime you’re not putting anything in your body you are detoxing or cleansing.  Everytime you put something in your body you’re making your body work and sometimes you make it work too hard.  You know when you drink too much liquor the next morning you feel like crap and the last thing you want is to even smell booze.  That’s your body telling you that you are an idiot and anymore of this stuff anytime soon will hurt you even more.

Another example is when you get a stomach ache and don’t want to eat or drink anything.  Your body is trying to clean itself from whatever crap you poisoned it with and it’s not ready to take anything in.

In a not so extreme example, have you ever thought about what you wanted to eat for dinner but everything that comes to mind does not appeal to you no matter how many choices you have?  You’re just sick of what you normally eat?  It could be that it’s your body’s way of saying it doesn’t want any of the crap you always put in there.

So whenever you’re making your body work overtime it’s probably not good for you.

If you drank 5 beers in 1 hour you would get a pretty good buzz.  If you drank 5 beers throughout the whole day then you’d probably be ok.  I think how you eat something is just as important as what you eat.  If you eat too much bad stuff in one sitting it’s like overdosing.  Although you won’t die your body is not liking the amount of unhealthy food at one time.   It’s a healthier option to take your unhealthy food in small doses instead of binge eating.  How do you feel after 4 slices of pizza or 4 pieces of fried chicken?  A lot worse than if you only had 1.


It seems that the definition for this term is…something that can be eaten and you won’t die right away and if you do end up dying from it years later then no one can prove it.

What to eat and what not to eat

I don’t have an answer for this one.  My take on it is, eat the foods that make you feel your best.  If something is making you feel funny then it’s probably not good for you.  Also, if you regularly have shitty experiences in the crapper that’s another sign.  I think you have to try to get your vitamins and minerals from plant sources as part of your regular diet.  That’s just the way the human body was designed just like how a car can only take certain fuel.  A new car can take some abuse but after some years it’s going to let you down.

Conclusion for now

Even the most popular healthy eating gurus admittedly eat unhealthy food.  You’re fooling yourself if you think you can resist the likes of ice cream, potato chips, beer, chocolate, uppers, downers, cookies, cakes, pies, fast food, something that you’ve never seen before but comes in a package and is sold at a legitimate supermarket.  We’ll put anything in our mouth as long as it is considered “safe”.   I would consider myself to be regularly health conscious but I am also regularly consuming foods not healthy or downright unhealthy.  Sometimes I just don’t give a shit.  I think to myself… so what if I put shit in my body sometimes.  To do something that’s not a lot of fun like always eating healthy, school or anything, there really has to be a good reason and often there has to be a strong belief of a reward at the end.   Who would torture themselves in university studying something they don’t like if they didn’t think it would possibly amount to something?  Actually I know a few but they still had their reasons.  Social pressure is a bitch.  I could only see myself almost always eating healthy if I felt I needed to lose weight, my doctor said I’m a gluttonous unhealthy bastard who is a detriment to the health care system who will suffer horrible consequences, or if I always felt like crap.  Otherwise I can’t find the motivation to care that much.


I don’t know about this reading stuff

Since the beginning of my time, reading has not been one of my favourite things to do.  It’s like one of those things in life you feel you’re suppose to do and if you don’t then you’re suppose to feel like a stupid head.  Who decided that people who read lots are better in some way than non readers?  Or am I the only one who thinks people think like this?  Isn’t reading just another hobby like sports, video games, origami, scrap booking,  photography, etc?  Some like it and some don’t and if you don’t it’s ok.

I buy all these books  intending to read them but it never happens most of the time yet I continue to tell myself I should read more.   Why do I do this?  Wait, I answered that already.  Cause I’m brainwashed.  For sure reading has its benefits.  You get information and entertainment out of it.  Apparently it improves your writing too.  Luckily for me I’m just a ghetto blogger.

Not enjoying reading was my downfall throughout my school years.  It’s really hard to study when you don’t like to read especially when the material is so boring in the first place.  I think I’m going to give up on the pursuit of reading.  I’ll stick to videos, podcasts and maybe try out audio books.  Anything I read I end up forgetting anyway so what’s the point?  I’ve enjoyed the books I read but it’s just so difficult for me to sit down and commit to finishing one usually.  Even when I see a blog post over 1000 words I’m hesitant to read it.  It’s just so much easier to sit in front of a TV screen and let the images and sound get absorbed by your senses.

The book is better than the movie though.  I guess so.  The book also takes 10 times as long as the movie.  I find it crazy how people commit and finish those thick ass novels that are like 600 pages of small font.  People love books.  There’s too many book lovers to deny this.  I’d probably read if I had no other forms of entertainment available to me.  Even then it would be a maybe.  I’d probably instead choose to lay in bed and stare at the ceiling and crack jokes to myself in my head.  If I ever become really rich I’ll pay someone to read to me.


My day at work

Somewhere in the afternoon I was driving and saw a guy walking with his dog without a leash.  It was some sort of chihuahua.  I was thinking how cool it must be to be able to walk your dog without a leash and was also thinking how paranoid I’d be walking my dog without a leash.  About 10 seconds later I see this dog just start running across a main road and just missed being smoked by a car.  The guy yelled for it to come back but the dog didn’t even look back.  I think it saw its other owner across the street and darted for her.  Damn that could have been a horrific sight.

Later I was witness to a crow chasing a squirrel.  I didn’t know that happened.  The crow was in the air trying to grab the squirrel with its claws but the squirrel managed to hide in a bush.  The crow stood on a fence post making crow noises.  I wonder if it was trying to call for back up.  Research on the internet tells me the crow might have been protecting its nest of eggs or baby crows.

After doing a pick up I jump into my truck, slide open my cab door and I was like….”shitttt!”   I had a nice view of everything outside cause my rear door was slid all they way open!  I must have left it open from my previous stop.    Luckily nothing fell out of my truck and the worst thing to come out of this was that I looked like an idiot for a few blocks.  Really lucky cause I was driving up this really steep hill.  Can’t believe no one tried to get my attention.  Or maybe they did and I was in space like usual.  I thought about it for a minute and the stupid thing is that I actually remember not shutting the door.  My freaking brain.  It’s never in the moment.  I walk around all day like a zombie thinking about crazy stuff, never concentrating on what I’m actually doing.  That meditating stuff works in some way.  When I feel that my brain can’t stay focused very easily I do this meditating thing where I only concentrate on what I am doing in that very moment and I make sure my brain does not float away.  It’s quite calming even if I only do it for a few minutes.  Below is the type of truck I drive.  3510276 is the prisoner number.



Always Hungry

Diet post? Life post?  Both I guess.  Most of my meals during the work week are pretty health conscious which usually leads to hunger much faster than if I were to just stuff myself with unnatural foods.  It got me to thinking though.  Being really hungry is one of those things in life that we try to avoid and can easily remedy but in  hunter gatherer days you would probably be hungry almost all the time.  It wasn’t as easy as going to a store or packing a lunch.  Food was scarce and competition was fierce.  I like to watch animal documentaries and it always shows how difficult it is to get food even for the most excellent predators like leopards and bears.  Often they end up starving to death.

This makes me think that we were always meant to be hungry and hunting whether it be for food or something else.  There was never a coziness before to life.  If you wanted to survive you had to devote your life to it.  Today food, shelter and safety are pretty easy to come by for most people in the developed world.  Even if you have a shitty low paying job that you hate, you just have to do it and you’ll be ok.  It’s not enough for many people though.  They’re always hungry for more.  It’s somewhat frowned upon to not be satisfied with what you have already but I think it’s just natural human behaviour.  Once you stop being hungry you stop hunting and it feels there’s not much reason to live.

The unnatural foods like the starches and sugar fill you up just like how TV and internet fills up your life.  It doesn’t usually do any good for you in the long run but it keeps you from being hungry.  It stops you from thinking about what you should or might want to do next.  In the end I think it just makes you feel unfulfilled.  Once you stop hunting it feels like you’re dying.  Surviving was not meant to be this easy so maybe the consequence is feeling depressed.  I’m not hunting right now.  I want to but I don’t know where to go and some things don’t feel like they’re worth chasing.

On an unrelated topic the 50 year old married couple upstairs who are my landlords are annoying me at this very moment with their massage chair that they have to use everyday.  Sometimes they use it before work in the morning and it’s loud.  Sounds like someone roller skating upstairs.  They are a couple of squares too.  It annoys me how squarish they can be sometimes.  Typical Chinese immigrants from that generation.  Always paranoid about stuff.   I’m not even sure how crazy they are about living.  They work a regular schedule, come home, eat take out, watch tv and repeat.  Yes I know that’s like my life minus the take out but I just can’t see how they can amuse themselves.   They’re probably more mentally stable than I am so who knows.  They probably think I’m insanely odd too.


Have you ever heard of ‘skitching’?   I’ve seen it before but never found any reason to look it up until today.  I drive one of those postal trucks for work and this afternoon this not so old but not so young guy decided to skitch onto my truck without telling me.  ‘Skitching’ is when you hold onto a motor vehicle to get a ride while you’re on a skateboard, roller skates, bicycle or whatever.  In my situation this guy was on a skateboard.

So I’m stopped at a red light and just before it turns green I for some reason decided to glance at my passenger side mirror and I see this guy right next to my rear tire trying to get a grip on something.  There’s not much to grasp onto besides the wheel well and maybe the placard holder.  I’m pretty easy going so I’m like whatever even though I know this is totally not allowed.  I’m driving for 2 blocks before I have to make a right turn so I have to stop and get this guy off my truck otherwise who knows and I don’t want to find out.  I’m signalling but he can’t see cause he’s on the side of my truck so I yell to let him know that I have to turn (my passenger door is slid all the way open) and he can’t hear me cause he’s got his headphones on like an idiot.  Seriously?  You’re going to do something not so safe and have your headphones blasting at the same time.  It’s rush hour on a busy street too.

After being stopped for 10 seconds he’s finally aware that I’m not going anywhere.  He skates on and says “thank you” not having any idea that he could have ruined both our lives.  Well, at least his.  Usually I don’t look at my side mirror if I’m driving straight so it was almost fluke that I knew he was even there.  He probably wasn’t even thinking I was going to turn off so soon.   If I had not known he was hanging onto my truck like a retarded monkey I would have just whipped a right turn and who knows.  I could have just changed lanes and that could have been enough for shit to go wrong.  Just yesterday 2 long boarders were seriously injured here going downhill and then swerving to avoid an oncoming car but crashing into a parked car instead.  2 weeks ago some other long boarder suffered serious head injuries colliding with a van.

This guy should have hung on to the back of my truck just off to the side where there’s a handle he could grab.  Honestly he could have just got off his board, jumped onto my bumper, hung onto the handle and it would have been safer.  I bet you that guy or other skaters would have said something like he was watching and would be ready to bail if I turned.  “Us skitchers know what we’re doing.  You just don’t know man.”  How about if I test out this theory next time?

Skaters sometimes have this attitude where they think they have to live on the edge and show how gutsy they are, thinking it’s only their life at danger so no one else should care.  They don’t think about how much trouble it will cause the other person who is involved in the accident with them.  When I saw that guy hanging on my truck it instantly made me feel that I was responsible for his life.   Yes I should have told him to get off right when I saw him but it didn’t occur to me how dangerous it really was until after.   I guess I’ll know better for next time.

It’s all about believing

Throughout my life my thoughts and actions were based on boredom and beliefs.  I can understand the boredom and beliefs but the beliefs were retardedley out of fear, environment and probably other stuff.  The whole foundation of our lives are based on our beliefs.  The really crappy part is that our beliefs can often be foolish.

I go back to my thoughts when I was younger and think about what drove me to be sad, angry, excited, accepted and it was usually the beliefs that I had at the time.   If it’s just a belief then it’s really just a faith and like many faiths they can be false.  When you are younger you might believe staying home on Friday night makes you a loser.  When you get older you might believe being unemployed or working a shitty job makes you a loser.  As we get older it seems the beliefs become more miserable to be faithful to and more depressing to not be able to meet those beliefs.  It’s like there’s this cultural bible most of us have that tells us how we should live in order to be happy.  There’s commandments that should be trusted.  Thou shalt must keep certain friends and family forever.  Thou shalt always make more money and never less.  Thou shalt get married and have kids.  Thou shalt go on exotic vacations.  Our bible today can be like a picture bible and its preachers are the people all around us.  You see pictures of people who look so happy on vacation and the message that goes to your brain is that if you go there it will make your life more worthy.  You see pictures of a family who look so happy in their well lit spacious house and you think that must be where happiness is.  It must be because you see it in these pictures and everyone else says it is too.  Well, maybe they don’t always say it but that’s the kind of energy they give out.  All this is just faith though and not factual but it really just seems like what you’re supposed to do.

Belief is all people have sometimes even if it’s not the belief in grand ideas of riches and love.  The belief that you are someone in someway keeps you going even if it’s just fuel from misery and ego.   When people are faced with the possibility that their main beliefs might be bollocks the first reaction is to fight it because they’re scared.  After you’ve believed in a way of living and thinking so long you can’t even imagine living a different life.  It’s like taking a main ingredient out of a popular recipe.  It’s going to taste really different.  I conformed to so many things before because I believed I had to.  Even though I thought it was stupid I still did it.  That’s how strong believing is.  It makes you do things you don’t want to do because you don’t know what else to believe in.   A belief can stay with you a whole lifetime and die with you.  We’re so desperately wanting to be something and not nothing in life that we’ll believe anything that makes us feel better.

Religion is faith and so are the cultural beliefs that we have in our society.  The common beliefs in society regarding family, friends, love, success, you name it, are all based on faith and not fact.  But it’s not looked at as a faith but instead, “real life.”  The trickiest beliefs are the ones like religion where you can never find out the truth until you’re dead and even then who knows.  Even when our cultural beliefs don’t seem to materialize we still believe in them.  We might just think it hasn’t happened for us yet or that we failed in achieving them because of some shortcoming from ourselves.  Often we don’t think that maybe it’s a bullshit belief.  Unlike Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, there aren’t enough people to tell you that some things just aren’t true.

I used to believe the same things that the people around me believed.  My life was never a good projection of what these beliefs were and that was the basis for most of my sadness.  It was like a game and it always felt like I was losing or just treading water.  A big reason why you associate  yourself with the people you do is because your lives are probably based on similar beliefs.  Once you stop believing though then it’s over.  If you no longer believe in Jesus then you’re not going to want to go to church anymore or be around Jesus lovers.  If you hate going to church and all of the people there, you might still go as long as you believe.

It sucks when you don’t believe in anything.  I don’t really.  It’s depressing.  I used to believe in people and ego but I just can’t do it anymore.  People generally suck sooner or later and ego is for fools.  I’ve felt shitty about myself most of my life but could always find a way to trick myself that I was in someway special in society.  These days I sometimes think I’m special but it’s more like the kids in the portable 1 block from all the other kids kind of special.