It’s supposedly the worst thing that could ever happen.  We’re programmed to fear and stay away from death as much as possible   The idea seems to be the longer you live the more value your life had.  It’s like something to brag about.  Whenever you hear about someone living well into their 80’s and 90’s it’s always thought of as something great.  When you hear about someone who dies at like 40, you feel sorry for that person.

Most people don’t want to die cause they think about all the good things that will or might happen to them in the future.  They think about all the experiences and witnessing of great moments for them and the people around them.  I told my friend’s wife last time, “I don’t really care if I die.”  As expected she thought I was crazy.  It sounds suicidal but it’s not.  I don’t want to kill myself, I just don’ t think it’s a big deal if I’m alive.  Well, I know it’s not a big deal if I live or not.  She’s like, “don’t you want to be around for the happy moments in the future?”  If I’m dead, I don’t think I will want, think or feel anything.  I’ll be dead.  As far as I know anyway.

We’re all going to die.  You can’t deny this.  What difference does it make if you go at 40 rather than 90?  It’s only sad for the people who are alive when someone dies unexpectedly or at a young age.  We imagine ourselves dead and our ego tells us how sad it would be and how everyone would cry and miss us.  We think about how it would suck to miss out on everything and how you would feel like a failure for dying before most people.  The ego does not like failure.    Your life will not leave the legacy you think it will.  You’ll probably be just another John Smith.  There’s so many people who have died who have done great things for the world but they’re forgotten for the most part.  Ya their names and pictures might be in books but no one is thinking or talking about them very often.

Death is a very rare thing for most of us to witness.  How many of us have ever seen anyone actually die in real time right in front of their eyes?  We see old people whither away slowly but we never see the gruesome deaths that can occur.  In the natural world death was a regular occurrence.  People around you would die all the time.  Death would be no big deal.  I think in that type of world, death was just a side effect from living except you couldn’t really discontinue use if it occurred.  Everyday you had to take that pill to live.

I’ve been watching this DVD series from BBC Earth called, “Human Planet.”  It’s about all these different groups of people from more primitive like areas that risk their lives everyday just to eat and feed their community.  There’s no fearing death where they are.  To them there’s no life without possible death.

Our whole mindset is to live as long as possible and the longer we live the more we feel that we succeeded.  It really stops us from embracing life.  We think about how our decisions today will affect us 30 years from now.  That’s not living life to the fullest.  We have this fear that if we don’t travel on the side of security we might end up starving, out on the street and dying when we’re older.  That just might be true but we weren’t naturally suppose to be able to think that far ahead.   We know too much to really try to enjoy life to the fullest.  Information is great but at times it can be shitty when we know too much.  Thoughts and fears play in our heads.

I don’t think we were meant to strive to live a long and half or full torturous life.  We were suppose to give it our all in hopes to push innovation and inspiration.  Our safe and informative environment has tamed our wild hearts that present fear instead of ambition.   In the beginning we would see everyone face death regularly and we would follow.  Today we grow up seeing people live long shitty to mediocre lives and we follow.  Our inspiration is to plan out a life to live as long and safe as possible.

When I say that I don’t care if I die, I could just be talking shit.  I definitely don’t care as much as before though.  It’s kind of sad, I know.  Don’t get me wrong, if a cougar pounced on me I’d fight for my life and obviously lose but I wouldn’t just lay there and thank it for mauling me.  Maybe that’s it.  It’s too easy and nothing to fight for.  We need to be faced with death or uncertainty constantly to able to laugh at it.  Makes me want to throw myself in the ocean cause right now I’m living a life of fear.  I think we’re more scared of the death of our superficial life than anything.  The death of our reputation and appearance is more thought of than actual physical death.  I don’t think many of us are scared of our physical death cause we have no reason to be but we think about our death to society all the time though.  The image that we have to feed and maintain in order to feel like we’re living.  The ego that we have to sustain to want to make us keep believing that we’re important.  I’m pretty tired now.   I’m sure I’ve rambled and might not have made all that much sense at times.  Final words.  I would rather choose to live than die because death is way too big of a commitment.


I like Debbie

I have all these ideas about life to write about but I’m too buzzed to write about them in a coherent manner so here is some 80’s pop culture for you.   Debbie Gibson was this massively famous pop music icon in the 80’s.  Tiffany ain’t got shit on Debbie Gibson.  Unlike the super famous female pop performers of modern times, Debbie Gibson was and is pretty damn talented.   She’s the youngest female to write, produce and preform a #1 single.  She still holds that title.  I haven’t read this anywhere but I think she inspired the character Blossom from the 90’s sitcom of the same name.  Nose and the hat?  Hahaha, there’s nothing gayer than a guy loving Debbie Gibson, except a guy who loves Cher.


I really like this song

At the end of a work day a few months ago there was this coworker who started singing this.  I knew the song but hadn’t heard it in a while.  I came home and youtubed it and I’m still listening to it pretty regularly.  For a while I was listening to it like all the time. I don’t know.  I find it to be one of those songs that really stood the test of time.  The lyrics, her voice the music.  It’s really pleasant and classy.  I think it’s going to be one of my favourites for life.  No promises though cause nothing is usually for life except life in prison without the possibility of parole.


Caffeine is Cocaine!

Caffeine should be in the same class as cocaine!!! It was around 10am on Monday and I was looking for stimulation while working.  One of the benefits of being on the road all the time is that you can stop off at places and buy stuff.  I bought a medium sized Americano with no sugar added.  All I wanted was a slight jolt.  Holy shit, in about half an hour it was so obvious to me I was high.  I mean high like when you do illegal drugs or prescription drugs.

I didn’t feel safe.  Kind of paranoid.  I really felt kind of dangerous being on the road.  It was like paranoia and anxiety.  You know that feeling you got when  you were a kid walking somewhere and a group of loud and aggressive kids were walking behind you?  You just knew they were talking about you and it made your adrenaline pump?  That feeling! Interactions with customers felt so weird.  I was all smiley and something was totally not the same.

This shit lasted for 2 hours.  It was only after the 3rd or 4th hour that I started to calm down.  I think what I felt in the 3rd and 4th hour is how most people feel when they drink coffee.  Never again on a working day!  Screw buying illegal drugs, I’m just going to drink coffee to get high.  I felt like Beavis from Beavis and Butthead when he turned into Cornholio.

This caffeine stuff is like junk food and prescription drugs.  It’s not frowned upon to use them cause it’s legal and everyone uses them.  I bet if I crushed a coffee bean into a powder like substance and snorted it up my nose it would make me go nuts.  Caffeine is a psychoactive drug like cocaine and all those other illegal drugs that make you go “whoooooooo!”

From Wikipedia – “Caffeine is the world’s most widely consumed psychoactive substance, but unlike many others, it is legal and unregulated in nearly all jurisdictions. In North America, 90% of adults consume caffeine daily.”

It got me thinking about how addicted people are to coffee.  They will go out of their way during morning rush hour, every morning, line up, pay money, just so they can get their fix.  It’s just like going into a crack house to get crack.  Starbucks is like a crack house.  The mugs that they sell are like crack pipes.  Just another way to transfer the goods into your soul.  “I need my coffee.  I’m grumpy without my coffee uggghhhh.”  Junkie!!!!!  My mom’s a junkie.  My grandma is a 79 year old junkie!  They are all junkies!

You coffee junkies.  I’m on to you now.  Disguising your drug habit as a hot beverage and never admitting you’re high.