It’s usually more about the idea than anything

What kind of title is that?  A title from a person on Christmas Eve who’s not quite sober and not able to think of anything more clever.

We all have these beliefs of what is good, bad, right, wrong  and I’ve come to believe our beliefs hardly ever stem from much truth or fact but instead the attachment to the idea.

The idea of family, friends, marriage, money, vacations, love, admiration, status, reputation, labels, you name it. It’s almost like a religion where you live by a teaching just because it’s part of the program.  It’s what you’ve built your life upon so you have to defend and support its existence.

We’re more in love with the idea instead of actually believing in these ideas.  Our actions show how much we really believe in the importance of these ideas and the actions hardly ever match the words.  We only believe in these ideas cause it makes us feel better about our lives.  Gives us something to live by and live for.  Any half ass analyzation of these ideas would lead you to the truth which is these ideas are usually BS.  We’re humans though.  We have the ability to lie to ourselves and block out any truth that might make us feel bad about our existence.  We’re too afraid to hurt our own feelings.


Can I Borrow a Feeling?

My cousin and I were talking about being mean and laughing at people when almost simultaneously it reminded us of a Simpson’s episode.  Took me a day to remember the episode but when I did I was cracking up the whole day and night.  I like this era of Simpson’s.  The really early ones when they were on the Tracy Ullman Show weren’t that great at all and I find they’re getting desperate for laughs in the last decade.

Minimum Wage

The idea of life and working is that you’re suppose to “move up” as you get older.  If you don’t make the right moves you’ll be stuck making a shit wage your whole life.  I guess there is some truth to that.  It’s pretty much the equivalent to death in the animal world.  If you make a shitty wage you can’t do all the great things life has to offer and no one wants to reproduce with you.

It’s not really the shitty wage that makes your life suck.  It’s the fact that media, society and most people in society make you feel you that way.  Imagine if you were surrounded by people who earned shitty wages.  All your friends, family, coworkers and strangers made a shit wage and were ok with it.  You wouldn’t feel so bad.

It’s not like that though usually.  You’re usually either surrounded by people who make good money or people who don’t make good money and hate their lives.

There’s nothing wrong with making good coin though as long as you don’t have the shitty mentallity that usually comes along with it.  If you have to work, shouldn’t you try to make the most you can anyway?  I don’t know.   For me, lots of money would only make me content with my life  if I didn’t really have to work for it.  I hate the whole idea of having to wake up in the morning, put in my 8 hours and think about how I might have to be doing this for a very long time.  Seems like my life revolves around my work.  Maybe I’m just being a 1st world bitch?  I don’t know.

The more misery you have in your life the more you feel you have to compensate for that misery.

I had no intention to really write this post but I wanted to share this comedy sketch so I felt I had to add some words.



My Friday Night


This is going to by my Friday night.   I know it’s lame but that’s my life right now and possibly for a while or yikes Scooby maybe even forever.   If it’s so lame why am I somewhat excited?

$14 bottle of red wine$6 sandwich from Safeway
$2 Blu ray rental.  Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol.  Some dude behind me at the rental kiosk suggested so I was like whatever.  I’m sure it will be disappointing but I’m used to that.


The Purpose of Life

I wonder how many times this phrase has been Googled.  Anyone who has searched this out is probably 1 of many lost souls in this world.  I’m going to tell you what the purpose of life is and it’s not that complicated.

You ready?  The purpose is to perpetuate the species.  The purpose of life for a man is to survive as long as he can to successfully shoot sperm into as many women as he possibly can before he dies.  A woman’s purpose is to shoot out as many offspring as she can.  That’s it.

You really thought it was going to be something like travel the world and experience as many sights as possible or do something you enjoy.  Live, laugh and love!

We want to think that cause surviving is so easy these days that we now sit around scratching ourselves, watching TV that gives us confusing ideas and constantly wondering what we should do with our time here. There’s just so many options.

We all want to find something we love to do so there’s no misery in our daily lives but that’s so freaking hard for most of us.  In the hunter gatherer days the only thing a guy would love doing is staying alive and shooting sperm.  Living would be like a 24 hour job finding food, finding shelter, watching out for tigers and on your coffee breaks figuring out ways on how to trick a woman to be your sperm catcher.


The human desire to find something in life we love to do and stick with it will never be as strong as the human will to continue living.  For whatever reason every species including humans want to live as long as they possibly can.  No matter how much your life sucks you’ll probably want to continue living.  For some reason we have this thing that convinces us that we can still be happy when we’re old, wrinkly, disabled, no teeth and shitting ourselves.

So what happens when it’s easy to find food but not easy to find the desire to live life?  You just live and find instant gratification that distracts you from ever finding that desire if it even exists.  Although your desire in life could just be the act of reproducing.  I think that might just be it still.  Maybe unconsciously we all want to find something we love doing cause it makes us more attractive to the opposite sex somehow.  I don’t know, I just pulled that one out of my ass.

My theory on guys getting sick of screwing the same woman all the time is that it’s instinct.  We’ve been designed to behave that if we’ve shot enough sperm into one woman she should have been pregnant by now and if she isn’t it’s not going to happen so we should move on and find someone else to impregnate.


Being Happy

That is suppose to be the ultimate goal in life.  Without it nothing that you do or have done will matter.  It doesn’t matter if your life is the envy of everyone cause if you’re not happy then you failed.

It seems though the majority of people in society are not really aiming to live happily but instead do things that will make them feel good about themselves.

It’s like the grand idea is to be able to look back at your life and be able to give yourself the nod of approval rather than live a life where happiness was the majority of your mental state.  To successfully find a way to convince yourself that your accomplishments were great and your shortcomings were justified.

It seems like the idea is to get to the top of some mountain no matter how long and agonizing the climb is cause everyone is so impressed about where you went, what you did, numbers and titles.  It doesn’t matter that you spent a painful 8 years in university, another handful establishing your career, another 5 being depressed, a few more battling a disease.  All that matters is that you accomplished certain things that people tend to respect.

If you have nothing to brag about to people then you failed in life even if you spent it being mostly merry with hardly any misery.  Life is like a video game where the higher the level you reach the better your life.  You can’t just be happy playing level 1 all your life and be able to consider it a good life.  Why not?  Cause no one is impressed by that.  Some kind of human instinct tells us that we’ve failed when we didn’t strive to win the rat race.

I guess a happy life can be all relative.  If a starving African family found a secret underground Burger King somewhere in their village they’d feel pretty good about their lives and could tell themselves they lived a happy life.

In the Western world you need to be all you can be or be lucky like a spoiled rich kid.  It’s like happiness is dependent on the views of the people around you or like you.

I can see why some people just pick up and leave to another city or into the woods.  It’s like a weight off your shoulders.  Leave all the judgement behind and the people who are always sizing you up.  No matter where you go though your mind goes with you.  I guess the secret is to not give a shit.

Don’t worry be happy?

Life is full of cults

When the word “cult” comes to play a few things spring to mind.  Jehovah Witnesses, Manson Family, Comet Hale Bop.  Extreme beliefs and a way of living that the majority of people see as crazy.  But isn’t every group or lifestyle looked upon as weird or crazy.  If it’s not something you think you or anyone around you would do then it’s wrong or messed up.

Atkins, vegans, drug dealers, Buddhists, are all groups of people you would think are extreme if you’re not one of them.

Family and friends act in the same way as cults.  Over the years they’re built and sustained on identity and beliefs that are practiced religiously.  Not following these unwritten guidelines is like committing a sin.

Try disbanding from your family or group of friends and you will see the cultish behaviour that is involved.  When you are pretty much born into a group of some sort it’s very possible you will one day come to feel that it’s not where you belong.  Everything and everybody changes during a course of many years.
When you stop believing or want to leave your group or cult the rest of the members will freak out and attack you.  This kind of behaviour stems from two places.

1. They really believe you are part of something special, they care about you and you are better off staying with them.

2. You not believing in such a large aspect of their life threatens their existence so they must try to convince you to live the way they do in order for them to feel good about themselves.  Insecurity.

I come from a large group of friends.  Some of us have been friends since the late 80’s and the rest of us the early 90’s.  Long time.  For a long time  I felt a connection and at the same time a disconnect.  A grappling match between my ego and fears against something else.
Occurrences in life have lead me to a place that I never thought I would encounter.  If you want to stay and thrive in any group you have to evolve with everyone else in order to continue to stay in the belief system that everyone lives by.  Evolve or die.  Sometimes though, evolving is not a good thing and dying is better.

If you go to university and have friends from the same university you probably won’t see or think much of them if you drop out.  If you sell drugs with your gang and decide to sell bibles instead, say goodbye.  If your friends become CEO’s of big companies and you become a hippie then your friendship is probably going south.

No matter how different I am from my peer group and no matter how different they see me from them, they have an instinctive reaction to hold on to me and not let me go completely.  As far as they’re concerned I’m part of them no matter what cause it seems so impossible for them to believe that a person would want to leave something they believe to be so vital to an existence.

This group that I belonged to for so many years has no place in my heart anymore for the most part anyway.  The only thing keeping me somewhat entangled is my fear and years of habits that I haven’t been fully able to let go.  Should I fully let go and cut off the life blood that fuels this engine?  Or am I being negative and disillusioned?  To be completely honest I think I’m scared to completely engulf my old life with flames to burn the past that is infecting my present and future.

Letting go is so difficult especially when it entails your comfort zone and the majority of your existence thus far.  It’s a survival instinct telling you to not break away from something that has brought you safety to where you are now.

That’s just the brain of the monkey talking though.  The more enlightening path speaks an idea of different actions.  If you see even a glimmer of light you have to walk towards it cause there’s definitely no hope in the way of complete darkness.  Instead of engaging in cultish behaviour I should cultivate a path of honesty towards my thoughts and emotions, selflessness and belief in myself.

I’m sort of buzzed from the red wine and have cascading thoughts but I hope I made some sense cause this how I feel about my life everyday.