New outlook on selfishness

The meaning of selfish has probably changed throughout my whole life.  Often it could even change depending on my mood and ego.  I think for the most part the meaning of selfish to me meant, mostly thinking of myself.

Recently, I’ve realized I’ve always been somewhat selfish.  Even when I offered to help a friend in the back of my mind I expected something.  I expected them to do the same for me in the future or show some kind of gratitude.   This probably sounds more fair than selfish but when you expect something in return then it’s at least a little bit selfish.

Having come to this conclusion I have a new goal in life that is not like any other goal I’ve ever had.  All my past goals have always been about getting a better job, or meeting new people or learning something.  Always something mostly external.  My new goal is to be the most selfless and compassionate person I can be.  Well, at least be conscious about it cause I know I’m going to have bad days.

I think too many of us have this attitude of needing to be treated like how we treat others.  “He wouldn’t do it for me so why should I do it for him” or “he helped me so I have to help him.”  It should be more like, “I want to help because someone needs it and it’s spreading positive energy.”

There were many times I could have offered my help to friends but instead I didn’t and stayed home and watched TV or did nothing much.  I had no obligation to help and no one would think less of me but I was being selfish cause sitting at home wasn’t doing anyone any good including myself.  Although, I was often too fatigued from my negative lifestyle to have any chance of being in the mood to want to help anyone.

These days though, I have good energy and mood from a regular sleeping schedule and other positive lifestyle changes so I’m very willing to offer any help I can.  Another issue before was that my ego prevented me from helping people.  I didn’t want to feel like I was anyone’s lacky boy.

I also at times was hating on other people cause I was unhappy.  I didn’t entirely like my life so I didn’t want to make anyone else’s better if I wasn’t benefiting.   I felt by helping I was widening the inequality gap but my ego or  I wasn’t the one moving up.

Lately, I have been offering my services to people and I think they find it strange but hopefully the positive energy will become infectious and steer evolution in a better direction.   I have no expectations of getting anything in return and will not have any negative feelings if people I’ve helped just think I’m a sucker.

It’s just way too easy to be alone

Back when life was more primitive, humans probably felt forced to be part of a community.  Imagine living in the open wild where you had to hunt and gather for your own food and be on the look out for predators.  Doing this alone would not give you the most secure feeling in the world.

Security is basically the foundation of all our actions and emotions.  Everything we do is based on some kind of survival.  The thing is, these days our basic needs are so easily taken care of that we’re hung up on the survival of retarded things like ego, material possessions, acceptance and the list goes on.

In our overly comfortable existence it’s so easy to become deserters and selfish.  You can live your whole life alone without any survival issues.  You can work alone, buy your own groceries, cook them yourself, live alone and you don’t even need other people for entertainment cause you have TV, internet and hundreds of places you can go to alone.

There are times we get upset at the people around us and call it quits even though we’ve had a relationship with them for all of our lives.  We know we’ll still be safe and alive with no one.  We always have an out.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is that just because we can do it alone doesn’t mean it’s ideal.  It’s so easy to disband from your family and friends and there’s nothing forcing you to seek out new people.

Being part of a community brings everyone together.  Everyone has a duty and feels good being part of something bigger than themselves.  This could be a family or an organization but just something where everyone helps each other and is there for one another.

I don’t know.  I think it’s a better way to live life.  It wasn’t too long ago I had the mindset of, “I don’t need anyone.  I can be happy alone.”  I don’t think it’s the way to go anymore.  I’m glad I can disagree with my current life and want to change.  Not being able to admit to yourself you’re wrong in your ways and the inability to change is a detriment to one’s life.  Evolving is a must.