Charitable Harrassment



Photo from the Walk of the Day

Amnesty International approached me on the street today. Stop or keep walking? I have all the time in the world, some curiosity and a dash of sympathy so I thought I’d hear him out. At the end of it he wanted me to sign up to donate money every month. I told him I would look into it more when I get home. It was almost good enough for him to give me his blessing to release me but not quite. I let him know that his time wasn’t a waste because if I hadn’t spoken with him, there would be no chance of this entering my consciousness.

That was good enough for him but his partner had to jump in to stop me. They were like Jehovah Witnesses in that when they see a small glimmer of hope that they have a potential recruit they will pull out the big guns. “Jordan” was a young white blonde haired woman who had a semi-homeless look going on. I think some call it Bohemian. She wanted my money and she wanted it right there.

If you walk away now the statistics are you won’t follow through.

Why not sign up now? If you wait that could mean another life we don’t save.

What’s stopping you from signing up now? You can sign up now and if you decide later it’s not what you want you can cancel.

I’m pretty sure she was getting frustrated with me because the way she saw it was, that there was no good reason for me not to sign up right there if I believed in human rights.

My skin is quite thick these days so at times I wasn’t sure if she was trying to offend me or if she was also offended by me. I let her know that I wasn’t going to make a decision there but it was a good speech she gave and then she replied in a distasteful manner…

Obviously it wasn’t good enough because I couldn’t get you to sign up.

When she finally decided to give up, the other guy apologized on her behalf. He stood there silent the whole time and probably felt sorry for me.

I hope you’re not offended. She’s very passionate about this.

I didn’t time the whole encounter but it was long enough for my coffee to go from very warm to cold.

As I was walking home it made me realize that being passionate can be another way of saying you are crazy. You’re so obsessed with your beliefs that if someone doesn’t believe what you believe, you condemn them to a lower grade of a human.


I wish I had thought of just telling them an honest truth, that I’m unemployed. To completely avoid such an encounter next time I will use my ethnicity to my advantage and say…

I don’t know English. 


I said, I don’t fucking know English.

Black Saturday


A 1pm sun in the sky at this time of year doesn’t bring itself up high enough to touch half of the city. A few steps from my door was a patriotic offering from nature.

I don’t live in a very hip neighbourhood of Vancouver so all there is to offer are the usual suspects such as fast food, 7-11, big box stores and a few Asian mom and pop restaurants. There’s also the liquor store which was my initial reason for leaving the house but rather than letting the temptation of easy but regretful stimulation win, I opted for the McDonald’s route.


Sir, would you like to get 2 pies instead. It’s cheaper.

No thank you.

It’s only 25 cents extra.

I don’t want to eat 2 pies.

Could I eat 2 pies? Hell yes. Would I enjoy it. Hell yes. But a small cheeseburger and 2 pies would put me over 100 grams of carbohydrates in one sitting. I could have given the 2nd one away though.

McDonald’s is upping their game. They have the orders with corresponding numbers that appear on an LED screen. Number 162…162. Just before I left there was an old man in my vicinity with a severe hunchback. I immediately corrected my posture. I think bad posture was only an issue when humans began to live past the age of 50. The mentality of life used to be, “whatever, a lion might bite your head tomorrow anyway.” Now it’s, “you’d better watch out, you don’t want to be 70 and blah blah blah.”

On the way home I dropped by Staples(big boxed office supplies store). It was only recently Canada adopted Black Friday sales. I think it was during the time when the American dollar stunk and they wanted to discourage Canadians from going over the border(75% of Canadians live within 100 miles(161 kms) from an American border) to spend their money in the USA.


Staples wasn’t too happening. This is how it looks most of the time. I don’t see it being around for too much longer. I have my eyes on a plush office chair. When I’m looking for human interaction this is a good place to go to. The people working there don’t have shit to do and they feel obligated to be nice.

It’s going to be a green tea type of night. Sometimes a day feels like a success as long as I don’t spend any money or very little anyway.




Life and White Women

Some of the joy in life is derived from being able to be in a moment that most others cannot. I remember being in high school, and anywhere other than school during class hours brought about a special feeling knowing that 99% of people my age were stuck in misery. This makes me want to go to the strip club at 1pm on a Wednesday.

I may or may not have drank a whole bottle of wine on a Tuesday night and I may or may not be writing this at 1:15 am. If I was going to live like everyone else I’d might as well have kept my 9-5 that gave me full benefits and doubled my contribution to my pension.

I’m not delusional to the notion that spending money and over drinking is not a positive path. If I told you I could handle it you would have your doubts but I promise I will not let it get out of hand just like all the other bums that said they wouldn’t let their vices get the better of them.

When I was like 7 years old, I told my elders that I wanted to marry a white woman with blonde hair. They laughed. This was before Baywatch too. Maybe Vanna White brainwashed me.

Facebook Life

I have 15 “friends” on Facebook which baffles me because I thought I had 17. At my max I had over 100 which is small compared to many. I’m a purist in that I would only add people who I had some experience with. You don’t get to be my “friend” just because we shook hands.

I’m also a person who believes in equality so when I wanted to delete 1 friend, I deleted all the others who belonged in the same category. I realize you may think I’m extreme or irrational but I don’t want to be labelled as an unfair person. There are also no family members because I deleted them all as well.

So who do I have left as friends then? The only people I’ve kept are people who don’t live in the same city or people who don’t have my other contact info. Facebook is for creeping or to keep in touch so if you have my other contact info then you’re just creeping.

Also, I wanted to fall off of the proverbial face of the Earth from some of these people. Facebook is often Fakebook. People like to think that if they interact with you in some way on Facebook it means you are friends. “Happy birthday.” How did you know? Oh wait, you got a notification.

Of course this can all be taken as cynical which it probably is. Facebook can be seen as another means of fun and staying connected. It just seems too disingenuous for me to take part but I’m too complicated for my own good.

Mondays aren’t so Bad

In the oven right now is a Frankenstein frozen pizza. Nine times out of ten, one is at least somewhat dissatisfied with the lack of toppings on their pizza. Scared of disappointment, I went to buy some mushrooms but apparently there is a mushroom famine going on because the fresh ones were non-existent. I had to settle for canned variety.


The end product never looks as good as the cover and this pizza doesn’t even look that good

A frozen pizza brand named “Giuseppe Pizzeria” is as stereotypical as a Chinese restaurant named “Wong’s Wok” or some truck stop diner named “Al’s Grill.”

I should have taken a picture to show you the amount of mushrooms I dumped onto there but I forgot. I ruined this post. But I assure you there’s lots but unfortunately they are made in China. No wonder why they were so inexpensive. I hate putting stuff in my mouth that’s made in China(if you want a scare go look up ‘gutter oil in China.’ I had some leftover cheese so I just grated it on there.


The oven “dinged” as I was writing this post. This is blogging in real time. Almost like updating a Facebook status. You want to know what I’m doing when I’m doing it, right?


It looks okay. I’m sure it will give me diarrhea tomorrow. I’m hoping not to be a loser by eating the whole thing.


It’s dinner time. I’ll let you know how it goes.

This is Mr. Johnson reporting live from the pizzeria dungeon. For a total of $7 Canadian dollars the Frankenstein pizza was a success. The added mushrooms were vital in making it alive. I only ate a quarter of the pizza for now because I believe in spreading portions when consuming unhealthy disasters.

Before I decided to create pizza I was picking up a photo from a Craigslist ad. For the past little while I had been wanting one of these. It might not be my ideal format but for $25 I’m satisfied.


I don’t think any of these guys would be considered a wuss. They would have some pretty good, “back in my day” stories.

This whole Monday was about me spending money. The first half of the day I was buying Wayne Gretzky cards off of eBay. The amount I spent on shiny little pieces of cardboard is a little embarrassing. I’m finding it easier to spend money now that I’m unemployed. I know, it sounds like backwards thinking. When I was working I associated spending money with pain and suffering. Perhaps my wounds are healing. Or maybe I’m an idiot destined for cardboard box living and $1 pizzas.


Childhood Programming

For most of life our wiring needed to be set at a fairly early age in order for us to have the best chances of survival. It’s only in recent times that the life expectancy of humans is what it is. You wouldn’t design a product for today to suit the unforeseeable future when the present time is already so uncertain.

When an adult has trouble fitting the norms of what society sees as healthy, it is almost always thought to have stemmed from their childhood environment. Those first 10-15 years lay down the blueprints for the path that the universe apparently wants to push you towards.

Once you’re out of the assembly line and dished out to the world and its users, your specifications and programming determine your value and limitations. If you’ve never loved or received love during production then that program will not exist in your system. A system that has been coded with minor amounts of love is possible but it would be the equivalent of calling Solitaire a video game.

Someone may come along and try to install some improved programming into you but most people would rather find a system that already has it installed especially if it’s widely available on the market. Users tend to only use and there are far more users than there are programmers.

Realizing the root of your undesirable traits that cause you and others grief is your first step towards possible redemption. You might not be at absolute fault for the person you are but blaming your issues on others who have only done a cameo appearance in your life is expecting them to clean up someone else’s poorly created production.


2016 Hobolympics


There’s rice under there

If such games existed it would be the opposite of a typical Olympics. The games would not exist to showcase talent, power and the fastest speeds but instead the length of suffering an individual can endure. The 100 meter dash would begin after a 10 day famine.

I’m in training for the 2016 Hobolympics hoping to capture top spot on the podium which will garner me with the satisfaction of low expense numbers for the year.

The photo above is a variation of what I have been eating for the last month for almost every meal. When I’m not having this it’s because I’m in the intermission stages of having prepared soup in the pot. I knew I had arrived when I added beans to the mixture.

Another one of the Hobolympic games would be to see how many days the participants can eat the same unattractive meal while having an executive chef available 24 hours a day to cook them whatever they please. First one to call on the chef loses. This is the event I’m in training for.

I realize long bouts of stationary suffering may not be as exciting as momentary superhuman bursts of power but I hope you will tune in and cheer for me.