The Looming End of Something

In my 20s I was excited to have an arsenal of movies or shows to watch for the whole day. It was stimulating but it was also an effective way of practicing what we loved to do which was kill time. Arguably the most precious aspect of life and we were proud to slay it like an evil beast. The endless amount of media available today has withered my excitement to hang out in front of the TV but I also believe there’s something else to it.

Twenty years seems like a long time but not when I think of it as the time that has passed since I graduated high school. If you take those years and add them to where I am now I will basically be an old man. With age comes the higher possibility of regret, disease and an almost definite outcome of being uglier. Time will have its way with you like a large black man in prison. You’re powerless and have no choice but to take whatever it gives.

Many men have fallen to the screen as a way to live out their life. Some have convinced themselves that there is nothing else to life. Maybe there’s truth to that or maybe it’s an effortless lie used to block out anxieties.

In his act, a stand-up comedian says hope is the culprit of the sadness to life. Youth often breathes a continuance of hope into dreams that never manifests into reality. While your aspirations remain elusive the comforting thought of I still have lots of time nears its end of life. He goes on to say that once you’re convinced the money, life and love you hoped for will never come to fruition a huge weight is lifted off of you. Now you can spend your time trying to enjoy yourself.

 

 

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All Things Cannabis

You may or may not have heard that Canada will be the first G7 country to federally legalize marijuana for recreational purposes on Oct 17th, 2018. It may sound sad to some people but to me this is the most significant Canadian political event in my lifetime so far. I’m so in tune with what’s going on that I didn’t even know about it until after the prime minister who promised to make it happen was elected. What? They’re going to legalize marijuana? If I knew I might have voted.

You would have to be a shitty gambler to bet that the rest of the world is not going to follow to some degree. About a dozen other countries have federally legalized marijuana for medical use. With more than half the states in America having state legal medical and/or recreational cannabis it’s hard to believe they won’t be fully legalized one day. Who knows though. America has funny drug laws.

When the founder of Canada’s largest marijuana business first pitched his idea before recreation legalization was even thought of, the first 4 people said,  ‘Are you crazy?’

I thought, that’s terrific. That means there will be even fewer credible people that want to start them because the ones I spoke to think it’s horrible, not because of the business, but because of the reputational risk. I thought, ‘If you sit around and do nothing, isn’t that also reputationally bad?’

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He also said when people called his idea crazy he then knew he was on to something. It’s another story of ‘crazy’ about to be normal. If hardly anyone is criticizing your ideas and actions then you’re probably not doing anything worthwhile. This only applies though if you’re a sane and rational person.

The provincial cannabis warehouse will be operating fairly close to my home and they’re hiring. It’s a government job so it has all of the offerings an average schmuck could ask for. I thought about applying for a job there but that would just be going back to the same vicious cycle I used to be in. No one would tell me I’m crazy for wanting to work there so it must be a bad idea.

 

 

Craigslist Stalking

When I receive a reply for an item I have listed on Craigslist I’ll sometimes Google the person’s name if it’s available. A few weeks ago some guy was interested in my vintage stereo receiver. Searching his name brought me to an article about a few people who had their prison sentences shortened. In this article it stated that this guy served time for illegal possession of a firearm, cocaine possession and aggravated assault. Looking over a Facebook page of the account of the same name and close proximity to me, a photo of the probable man in question had tattoos up to his neck and two tear drops under his eye. Just because the name was the same doesn’t mean it’s the same person but let’s just say his name was not John Smith. His first and last names are not unheard of but I doubt most people personally know anyone with either name. In case you’ve never heard, the number of tear drop tattoos under your eye is supposed to signify the number of people you have murdered. I replied to tell him that the item was no longer available and then deleted the listing. Maybe I’m an asshole for doing so but I don’t want to be another reason for him to cry.

Last week I had an ad for a free bag of lightly used dry dog food. You’ll be surprised with the amount of people who replied to this post. The guy left his full name and phone number but I didn’t investigate him until after he picked up the dog food. He drove 20 minutes to my place on a Sunday night after his daughter’s birthday dinner. Maybe that was her birthday present.

“Nothing else to do,” he said.

My investigation found that he’s a high school teacher who teaches computer geek stuff. My conclusion is that he’s a cheap Asian and/or he needed an excuse to get away from the family for an hour. I’m curious if I would get much interest if I listed a “lightly soiled mattress” for sale.

Men Sitting Down to Pee

Several years ago I was at someone’s place for dinner when he served us a defence on why sitting down to pee is better than standing. They weren’t irrational reasons he was giving but I clearly remember what was going on in my head.

  1. I’m not going to say anything
  2. His wife makes him sit down to pee

Some men claim they sit down to pee because it’s cleaner, easier or because it allows them to use their smartphone. If it’s always been cleaner then why do these men only start sitting down to pee when they are married? They had a sudden epiphany once married? If I was a betting man, and I am, I would put my chips on the wife telling them that they now have to pretend that they have a vagina.

How is it easier unless if you are old or have a medical condition? You have to push your pants down to your ankles, sit down, stand up and then pull your pants up. And I’m not buying that these guys can’t put the phone down for 10 seconds to take a piss.

But what man is going to admit that he sits down to pee because his smaller significant other commands him to? If a man’s wife expects or even gives her blessing for her husband to assume the pussy position then it means she doesn’t really respect him.

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Overpriced Pizza

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$26 CAD

When someone tells me that I “have to try it” or “have to go there” I immediately lose a little respect for them. It’s their little way of making themselves feel better about themselves. Most people have to try going on a diet more than anything else.

No one told me that I had to try their overpriced pizzas but the pictures looked really good. YOLO, right? Not really, I was just bored. But thank goodness you only live once because I don’t want to do this life over again. If I had to do it again though I would like to reincarnate into an African American athlete full of swagger.

I’ve circled around this pizza joint for a couple years now without ever even thinking of buying a pizza from them. Free marketing has its powers though. In near proximity you will see many people of all ages with eye catching pies.

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For $50 to $75 for a 12 inch pizza you wouldn’t think they would fly out of the oven but from what I’ve seen they are the majority. Every time I walk by all I see are lobster and tiger prawn butts sticking out.

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$850!

Do you still question the end of human existence? Millions of years of progress so that we can buy overpriced food and share pictures of them. I highly doubt evolution is going to keep us around for this.

 

 

 

Old Car Shopping

If your life lacks misery for a long enough time your risk tolerance for pain revitalizes itself. For whatever reason I one day decided that my new interest would be old Mercedes Benz vehicles. When I tell people about this car I’m thinking about getting they all say the same thing, “why?” Actually, it’s more like, “wwhhhyyyyy?” It’s a common reaction when I tell people about anything that I plan to do.

I get it. Old cars tend to be a headache or at least a walletache. Or maybe they see an early 1980s Mercedes Benz and think what a piece of shit it is. Maybe I long for a time I barely even knew. In 1984 I was still wetting the bed.

A couple weeks ago I was on my way to meet a friend when he cancelled on me. Since I was already out I decided to go to a shopping mall. Outside of this mall there’s always commotion from people stopping their vehicles in places where they shouldn’t be. For entertainment I stood there watching people honk their horns in frustration. Lo and behold an old Mercedes pulls up to pick up the older lady standing beside me. It was more or less exactly what I’ve been looking for and it had a ‘for sale’ sign on it. I thought it was fate.

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It looks like this

They told me the price was $4000(Canadian dollars). I took a picture of the phone number and told him we’d be in touch. Some days had passed by until I could have a look at it. Turns out he lives walking distance from my home. Cosmetically it was above average inside and out. The test drive was underwhelming. It’s stupid slow and only a little faster after it warms up. What really bothered me was how poor the braking was. In his Russian accent he said, “of course, this car is tank. 2500 kilos.” I was thinking in my head, no way it’s that heavy. The internet confirms it’s 1625 kilos. In the end I told him I’d get back to him when I find an auto mechanic to look it over.

The next couple days brought on pre-buyer’s remorse. The internet tells me to not do it unless I’m going to do many of the repairs myself. Yesterday I went to an auto mechanic shop to inquire about a pre-inspection. “I’m thinking about buying a 1984 Mercedes turbo diesel,” I said. After saying, “oh god,” he put his head down on the counter. Then he asked, “wwwhhyy?” It reminded me of the time I went in to my bank to get out of my mutual funds in 2009 when the stock market was at rock bottom.

So, why? I might not be an artist but I have an artist’s mentallity which means I have a tendency to be weird, eccentric or whatever you want to call it. In my head, owning that car is a statement. It states that I don’t give a shit, I’m not like you and I have style. I feel that it would give me an identity and attract like-minded people. Owning any vehicle that is more modern looking would state that I’m either a loser or a poser.

My rational thought is that it would be a bad idea on most levels. It’s a 35-year-old car with a mostly unknown history. Like a person you don’t know what/who they’ve been through and what they are capable of. If I buy something expensive like a big TV I would just bring it home and enjoy it and maybe regret it later. With an old car you have to buy insurance, sink thousands of dollars into it and possibly be that guy who is stalled on a busy street during rush hour traffic. Everyone hates that guy. They slow down to yell, “hey buddy, time for a new fricken car. Unbelievable.” Apologies of “the internet says these are good cars,” will fall on deaf ears.

 

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The car in question

 

 

Cheap Shopping

According to popular perception the area where I live in will one day have a big earthquake which will cause everything to sink. Also, it is said there could be a possible tsunami. Because I’m bored and am weird I decided to search for a life jacket for my dog in case said tsunami does hit. Brand new ones cost in the neighbourhood of $40 so I went to Craigslist. There was a lightly used one to be had for $15 and a drive to my old neighbourhood. I just now investigated the tsunami situation on the internet and “scientific studies” say an earthquake will not result in large tsunami waves hitting my area. One can be be suspicious of these studies since they were commissioned by the city’s government.

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Yesterday on Amazon I put in an order for an umbrella that will hopefully not break on me after 10 uses and also 2 flashlights. I picked an orange colour umbrella to mitigate the chances of getting hit by a bus on a dark stormy night. These LED flashlights they have out these days are impressive. They’re much brighter and inexpensive than those big metal ones that the police used to use to jab you in the solar plexus with.

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Advertised as “windproof”

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5 different modes, $17.99 for the 2 pack

Toy “R” Us had a bunch of things for clearance today. I’m not a Toys “R” Us Kid but I came across something I thought my dog might enjoy for $4.98.

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He’s from the movie, The Secret Life of Pets. Coincidentally, I went to the theatre to watch this movie and unexpectedly walked into a theatre full of parents and kids. I felt like all the moms looked at me like I was a pedophile but what was I supposed to do? I already paid for a ticket.

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I think she likes it

Buying things is like a drug. Buying a car or vacation is like buying a pile of cocaine. Shopping on Craigslist is like snorting someone else’s cocaine — it doesn’t get any cheaper. There seems to be a theme with many of my purchases. Many of them relate to survivalism.