Dreams Meet Reality

“The fundamental delusion – there is something out there that will make me happy and fulfilled forever.”

There’s often a great disparity between what we want, what we think we want and what we’re capable of achieving. There’s what you believe and then there’s something else that’s closer to the truth. Humans misjudge their mental abilities much more than their physical ones. Your idea of what your life is supposed to be might be as probable as a midget beating Michael Jordan in a game of basketball. Unfortunately, you might only find this out after you have handcuffed yourself to the negative consequences of your life sentence.

Everyone wants to be rich and married to the person of their dreams or at least everyone else’s dreams. Maybe you’re not so ambitious and you’ll settle for average money and an average partner. But maybe you’re not even deserving of that. Not only can you not beat Michael Jordan, you can’t even beat the midget. If you try hard enough though you can delay the inevitable by delaying the game. You’ll find out sooner or later though that you were only good enough to get yourself in trouble. With high divorce rates and even higher job dissatisfaction it proves too many are cheating themselves and getting caught.

Life does not care if you’re delusional in your capabilities because it only needs a few people to be right for every one million people who were destined to fail. The illusion the average person encounters is that they think they’ve made it to the top of Mount Everest when they’re only 25% from the bottom without ample supplies and stamina. Right when you think you’ve made it you realize you didn’t. Nothing can make you happy forever but don’t handcuff yourself to something or someone that will make you miserable forever. While there’s no such thing as chronic pleasure, there’s definitely chronic pain.


A couple times a year at my former job the manager would remind us to be mindful when filling up fuel for the company vehicles. That was the signal that the day before someone filled unleaded fuel into a diesel fuel operated vehicle. This morning I was awoken by a stressful dream of that situation. It wasn’t a nightmare but it was stressful. Jobs don’t just own your physical being during your shift, they also encroach on your mental space after you punched out 6 years ago.

I don’t miss many of the cocksuckers I used to work with over there. Sure, I enjoyed the banter with a handful of people but there were just as many I wanted to kick in the balls. In a work environment though, it’s important to be get along with everyone because it’ll make your time there easier and it’s basically mandatory.

Not too long before I left, the staff mechanic gave me shit for having a messy vehicle. He displayed his loser power by threatening to have me demoted to a crappier vehicle. He had no idea I was planning my resignation. It’s a shame that so many people don’t take advantage of their position of power before resigning from their employment. The only leverage a company has on you is a potential job reference. I could have verbally abused that mechanic until I lost my voice and then threw dog shit in his face. He on the other hand would be too scared to lose his job like the pussy grease monkey he is. That would reflect poorly on me though in front of my soon-to-be former colleagues. But I could and maybe should have secretly placed dog shit in the pockets of his overalls hanging in the mechanics bay. The Buddhists would frown upon such actions but sometimes the Dalai Lama can go fist himself. Life is suffering.

The last day at a job at a retail chain, I should have got on the PA system and said some shit. “Good afternoon shoppers, we never have stock on sale items not because we sell out but because they never arrive. And my manager is a dickhead.” But I didn’t do anything because I was a pussy. Just think of the things that I could have done.

The rules of life apply to most people but there’s always going to be a small minority that can’t be controlled. We’re taught to tread lightly, if at all, when negative consequences are a possibility. In other words, be an obedient slave. When deliberating the pros and cons of quitting my job, the thought of having no dental coverage produced negative feelings. Then I thought, what kind of pussy doesn’t quit his job because of losing his dental benefits? If you’re a vampire you might get a pass. The world has us conditioned to be scared. If you ask a random person for life advice, they’ll probably describe some type of life where it’s next to 100% safe. You won’t have anyone tell you to leverage yourself to the gills and buy as many properties as possible. The mantra for life seems to be, “Don’t live to win. Live to not lose.”

Life disguises losing with conformity. It doesn’t feel like losing when everyone else is losing with you. As humans we’re wired to compare ourselves with others to calculate a level of safety. We don’t look too hard for who’s winning as much as we do for who’s dying. When feelings of frustration and inadequacy creep in, humans revert to their safe place of comparison therapy and sprinkles of irrational dust when needed. The biggest losers are the ones who falsely believe they’re not.

So next time you quit that job don’t let that job reference scare you from shitting in your manager’s lunch bag.

Chess Broad

I’ve been preoccupied with playing and researching the game of chess for the last week that it caused a slight online chess addiction that I had to deal with as it caused negative health effects. My chess story dates back to when I was a kid when Uncle Bill gave me his folding magnetic chess set. I believe it was him who taught me how to play but he wouldn’t play with me. He didn’t like to do much besides watch TV and smoke cigarettes.

It can become difficult to enjoy certain activities by yourself especially when the objective of a game is to outsmart your opponent. So, I would go around teaching anyone who was interested so that I would have someone to play with.

As with many things, concepts in chess can be similar to life. One aspect that is different though is that in chess you don’t purposely make bad decisions. In life you often know better but you make the bad move anyway.

Goddamn chess boards can get expensive. I’m sure they were cheaper before COVID as well as before the show, The Queen’s Gambit. I just now notified my obese carpenter cousin to build me a chess board for free. I don’t want to pay $200+ for a square piece of wood. If he declines I will tell him that I’m dying and that my dying wish is to have him build me a wooden chess board.

A chess set can be had for nothing. You can get a piece of construction paper and draw one big square with 64, 2 inch squares inside of it. For chess pieces you can use coins or coloured candy. With the leftover space on the paper you can write, “Best Damn Chess Board Ever.”

Neighbourhood Gossip

A few weeks ago this guy in his 50s was walking on the street in front of my home. Usually when I see him he’s with his girlfriend of 29 years and/or their dog but not this time.

“How you doing?” I ask. I hate it when I ask that. I feel so fake.

“Pretty miserable. She left me. And she wouldn’t say why and I have no idea why.”

I found it kind of strange that he had no idea because I did. He yells at her a lot and sometimes in a very mean way. He’s done it in front of me which instantly made me think it’s even worse at home. I can’t see how it can’t be. Sometimes when it’s just me and her she’ll mention how much he yells at her but she makes it sound as if she’s deserving of it.

He went on to tell me how sad and lonely he is without her and how badly he wants her to come back. I’m not certain that his yelling caused her to leave but for him not to think it’s a possibility tells me there’s some unhealthy psychological issue involved, probably with both of them. I wanted to say to him, “maybe it’s cause you yell at her too much, fuckhead.”

I’m sure there’s a good explanation why a man in his 50s has emotional outbursts(I’ve seen him in action in other unrelated occasions) but I have my own theory. I think at the very least he’s a spoiled brat. I’ve gathered that the business he partly owns was handed down to him by his father which provides him with above average income. When people have it too easy all of their life they don’t react well when they don’t get their way. He only shows up to work 2 days a week for 4 hours each day.

Of course, much of this is speculation on my part. If I was harder working I would have become a police detective but I’m not so I’m just the neighbourhood gossip writer.

While on his rant for sympathy to me he mentioned how he has no friends and no one to talk to. There’s something strange about a man in his 50s crying to you about how shitty his situation is. Maybe there’s a valid reason why he doesn’t have any friends. I don’t really have any friends either but it’s because I’m greater than everyone. He’s probably just an unlikeable dickhead. Again, I’m speculating because it’s fun to do so.

I read that if you can make it a habit to not constantly judge people, strangers or otherwise, you’ll have a happier life.

I’m uncertain of what the outcome will be but if I had to bet I would wager she’s going to go back to him. I don’t think she has the ovaries to leave him after 29 years and start over. At the very least she’ll give it another chance because that’s the easier path. That’s me judging her on how little courage I think she has. I’d like to see a reconciliation because I’ll get to still see her but if there isn’t it will make for more interesting drama. I’ve become a judgmental, gossipy person. If you enjoyed this post you’re not much better than me. If you didn’t then you’re even worse.

Rob A Bank And Hire A Hooker

Apparently, in Canada and America, some businesses are having trouble finding people to work especially in the food industry. The last time this may have happened was in the 1970s. This old guy that I know said back then if you didn’t have a job you didn’t want a job. His friends labelled him the “King of UI(unemployment insurance). I suppose it’s a similar issue we’re facing today since some who remain unemployed are collecting COVID money. Zero immigration since the pandemic is also a contributor to the labour shortage. If you’re an anti-immigration socialist, it’s been a great decade for you so far.

When someone has no income they tend to say, “I need a job.” To be more precise, what they really mean is that they need money. In our society, we equate the means of procuring money to securing employment. If money is what you desire then it might be just as fair to say that you need to rob a bank. No one really wants a job. If you say you want a job you’re also saying that you want to wake up to an alarm at 6, 7 or 8 AM, rush to get ready, commute to your job, listen to your superiors and do something for 8-10 hours that you don’t want to do for most days of the week. A good day at work is a day that isn’t as bad as most of your work days. If your ambition is to rob a bank, at least you’re giving yourself the possibility that you’ll only have to work one day. If your goal is to get a job then you’re asking for a gruelling routine that could span for decades.

Since minimum wage has risen to roughly $15, it has made what used to be good shitty jobs into shitty jobs. A good shitty job used to be good because the entry-level pay was twice minimum wage. In this situation, a rising tide does not lift all boats.

Guys saying that they want to get married is also a false statement. If a guy says he wants to get married he is also saying he wants to work a job, have relations with the in-laws, take orders or compromise with wife and keep only a fraction of his income. What he really wants is some kind of equivalent to a female escort, not just a hooker but more similar to a part-time girlfriend. You know, like a situation only a wealthy man can command.

If you’re not at the top of the hierarchy then you’re likely going to suffer. Pick your poison.

Cheeseburgers Are Okay

When the pandemic first began, everyone was hoping a vaccine would be discovered sooner rather than later. You can bet that in such a world emergency that all resources were directed to finding a vaccine. And then, wow, a vaccine for COVID is discovered less than a year from when this all began. Nope not good enough. That was too fast. Well then, what did you all want instead? All of a sudden millions of people have awarded themselves honourary medical degrees overnight.

“The fastest any vaccine had previously been developed, from viral sampling to approval, was four years, for mumps in the 1960s.”

I’d like to think that since the 1960s there has been tremendous advancements in the medical world as there has been in every other aspect of life besides human behaviour. In the 1960s, people in developed nations were still using rotary telephones and the life expectancy of men was 66 years of age. AIDS was a big deal in the 1990s and now you don’t even hear about it. I think some people have this idea that the COVID vaccine had to start from complete scratch. There was already a base of knowledge and data from previous coronavirus strains.

The virus has invaded and naturally wants to continue. We have a weapon that may not destroy it but in all likelihood can corner and control it. Some of the Allied Forces don’t want to fight though. Hitler offered them schnitzels to stand down and they’ve accepted. “Come on. Just let me in a little further. I don’t want everything. I’ll give you all schnitzels every Tuesday. Promise.”

Some of the Allied troops have grown tired of cheeseburgers and fighting. They think to themselves how schnitzels might be better since there have been conspiracy theories of how mad cow disease was invented by the leaders of the Allied Forces to secretly poison troops when needed. As Hitler advances he posts on his Facebook page that cheeseburgers shrink your penis and the American government has known this all along. He now ups the ante and offers Bavarian Lager depuis 1649 on Thursdays to all Allied troops who are willing to cease fighting. Sure, this Hitler guy started the war but he doesn’t seem like such a bad guy compared to our dick shrinking leaders, they think. Hitler has a horrible track record while cheeseburgers have saved many lives over the last century but when life becomes too easy for too long, people become less appreciative.

In the end, the Nazis complete a full invasion. Schnitzel Tuesday is no longer. “Ahahaha, if you had thought about it, you would had figured out that there would never be enough pork to supply everyone for Schnitzel Tuesday,” said Hitler. Not only did the dishonourable Allied troops no longer have any free Bavarian lager, they also lost cheeseburgers forever. When the emotions subsided, the sobering consensus was that cheeseburgers probably didn’t shrink your dick.

The Allied soldiers who fought the entire battle walked towards the disgraced deserters. One of them frustratingly asked, “Why? Your father loved cheeseburgers. Your Grandfather loved cheeseburgers. They were all strong and healthy.” The deserters said nothing but if you could see inside their head you would have seen the truth. They wanted schnitzels and cheeseburgers as well without having to fight…freedom from responsibility.

When the enemy declares and invasion, time is of the essence. If you sit back and do nothing the enemy gains territory and mutates into a stronger form. Bargaining with the enemy and hoping they will be nice has historically not been a wise decision. Don’t take the schnitzel.

In the past, desertion of your military duty could result in a death sentence. Deserters abandoned their countrymen hoping they’d still win so that they could reap the benefits while still having their limbs. Today, with our mild version of a war, deserters cannot even be sentenced to eat a cheeseburger which has benefited millions of lives and historically has carried a very low risk of serious adverse effects. The odds greatly favour cheeseburgers as a trusted ally rather than an enemy.

Battling the Unvaccinated

When I read comments from antivaxxers I think to myself that in order to change their mind they will need to contract COVID or have someone they know die from it. And then I watched a video last night on how 2 women from the state of Arkansas were hospitalized with COVID. One of them a COVID denier who now believes it’s real but says she will continue to refuse vaccination because she hasn’t read any of the “good stuff” on the vaccine. The other woman also plans to refuse vaccination because she doesn’t know what’s in it. Both these women are obese. Does anyone one really know what is in the air we breathe?

The situation of refusing the vaccine has ties similar to religious beliefs and cigarette smoking. Some citizens of developed nations have an unwavering commitment to their civil liberties above all else. A cigarette smoker knows that smoking is bad for their health but is fairly certain that cancer or death isn’t going to happen anytime soon so they continue their habit. They need the doctor to tell them that they are going to die in 2 days before they will quit.

If you don’t get the vaccine you might not contract COVID. If you do get the virus and are hospitalized you might not die at which time you can refuel your stubbornness with your new lease on life. As long as people believe they have options, even if they are bad ones, they will continue the path of least discomfort.

There’s this thing called the economy that everyone under appreciates because someone else takes care of it for them while their main concern in life is what they’re going to eat and watch tonight. If this COVID thing continues long enough it can cause an economic depression as well as new variants of the virus. Your civil liberties don’t sustain you. Last country out of this pandemic is a rotten egg. Can you imagine your country being brought down to its knees by a subset of people who didn’t want to get a vaccine that is probably safe. And that’s how China won. They welded doors shut cause they knew people are losers when given the opportunity while the west mocked them for their lack of freedom.

I believe at some point if this virus isn’t under control to a certain level of satisfaction then forced vaccinations will be a possibility. At this moment there’s semi-forced vaccinations by restrictions on travel and employment. Should the situation worsen then more restrictions and penalties may be implemented. For example, if you don’t get the shot then you can’t ride on public transportation or buy hair shampoo. You’ll be a miserable creature who doesn’t deserve sebum-free scalp.

It’s true that we don’t know for sure if there are any serious unknown side effects from the vaccine shot. There’s hypocrisy with that argument as well though. We should know for sure that we can’t continue life with COVID and it won’t subside until more people get vaccinated. Even if it turns out there are unknown side effects, the right decision at this moment is to get vaccinated. You could double all of your money at the casino by placing a bet on red or black but it doesn’t make it a good decision. If there are serious side effects then this world will be screwed anyway since most people will have been vaccinated.

I’ve surrendered to the idea that an anti-vaxxer, or whatever they refer to themselves as, will not or cannot understand anything more complicated than, “I don’t have to get the shot.” Often it’s helpful to invert. Ask yourself what happens if enough people don’t get the shot.

See You In Heaven, Maybe.

The veterinarian diagnosed my dog with kennel cough but I wasn’t convinced because I was mostly certain that her cough was from a collapsed trachea. My opinion matter nothing to her because I’m not Dr Johnson. She believes it’s kennel cough because in recent weeks there has been an increase in cases in my province. I’m not fully convinced it’s kennel cough because as far as I can remember my dog has only been in contact with 2 other dogs in the last 2 weeks. I haven’t been taking her out as much because of an eye issue. “It only takes one dog,” she said. Sure, it’s possible one of those two dogs may have had it but the probability is low. She has shown signs of a weak trachea in the past and it is common for her breed to have it. There’s nothing more I want than for her to be right because kennel cough is very transitory where a collapsed trachea in moderate stages is not.

Prior to the vet appointment I concluded that Baby would suffer from a bad cough for the rest of her life and then die a horrible death. The thought of it put me in such a weak state that I felt like forgiving all the people I harbour resentment towards. It was reminiscent of the time I sent money through Western Union to some guy from Sri Lanka who didn’t even ask for any. Most people who get scammed fall for one created by a scammer but I created one to fall for all on my own. I scammed myself.

For the first time in my life, I realized why some people might believe in some kind of heaven. Having an afterlife available allows the possibility for you to see the ones you love in this life who have died before you. It makes the idea of dying less fearful and possibly more desirable.

Months ago I had a dream that the world was ending. I was in a sky mall that overlooked outer space. Once everyone had accepted the end was near they became much kinder compared to regular life. The lady at the store gave me a sub bun. I asked her if I could have some pepperoni sticks so that I could make a sandwich and she was happy to accommodate. As I strolled around the sky mall I saw people that I used to know but stopped caring for. At first I wanted to spit in their face but something about everyone simultaneously dying lightened my heart. In normal life you can die knowing that the people you hate will have to live without your forgiveness. If you’re all dying together then none of it matters, the scorecard is even. So I shook hands and chatted while we all waited for our demise. If 10 minutes is all you have left then you might as well sneak in whatever joy you can create.

I’m more convinced today that my dog has kennel cough since her cough has greatly subsided. If correct, then it proves that I don’t know shit and deserve my Mr. status. If one had to be rational, they would trust the veterinarian’s expertise. However, if she’s wrong then I’m getting a new vet and renaming this place, Dr Johnson’s Blog.

At the animal hospital. Not happy about humans holding her down and sticking objects up her butt.

Canned Food Day

Yesterday I received my 2nd COVID vaccine shot. Today, I’m suffering from post-vaccine symptoms that are similar to a fever or being hungover. It’s scary to imagine a catastrophe occurring to me while in this state of sickness. What if the roof caved in or a tsunami made its way here. Even worse, what if I had to go to a job in this 30 degree heat. I would collapse to the floor just to get a free ride home. “I got the COVID shot yesterday…and..and this heat.” My back is sore from laying down all night and day. My thumb hurts from scrolling my phone. Weird issues we have in the modern world. They should categorize all these ailments as, Loser Conditions. Our species should be labeled, Loser Erectus.

If you could see me right now you would see me wearing only my underwear, with my fingers on the keyboard and my head down on my desk. Woe is me. Hopefully the tsunami does not come. At least Baby the dog will be okay.

There’s people who feel sick every day. What could be worse? Be thankful for your health. Whenever you feel ungrateful for your life just stab yourself with a knife for a reset.

Food and Acidic Thoughts

In the recent past, Monday would have me stroll to the Vietnamese restaurant for 10% off Mondays. Also recently, they’ve raised their prices 10% after raising them 10% not too long ago before that. Compound interest is the 8th wonder of the world. For $14.95 I would rather eat somewhere else that was nowhere near economical when compared to Vietnamese food 10 years ago. It has reached the point where I’m seriously considering making my own pho. Also, ever since COVID began, every restaurant wants a tip for nothing. “We don’t have cockroaches. 15% tip please.” A tip is another way of saying, “give me free money for nothing.” The world eventually removes uneconomical gigs such as overpaid union jobs and hopefully tipping jobs. At some point someone says, “okay that’s enough” and sends the $60/hour toilet paper forklift driver on his way home.

On Friday I tried some of that LSD that the young guy gave me. I took half the tab of acid and I think next time I’ll only do a tenth of a tab. Like mushrooms, I find it more interesting than enjoyable. During my trip I came to the conclusion that intentionally filling your life with misery is not the way to be. Unintentional misery is not much better either. Many young people don’t know what they want to do with their life but they figure anything miserable with a potential reward is better than nothing even if nothing is only temporary. “I’ll do this just for now until I find something better.” The issue with that thinking is that the path of misery does not lead you to something better, it just leads you to more misery. The crux of the matter is that people don’t want to do nothing but they also don’t want to try something that is seemingly risky. They want something in the middle which I call a miserable medium. As Elon Musk said, when you’re young you have nothing to risk so just go for it. Common folk who have never had ambitions to build space rockets don’t seem to see it this way. The biggest risk to them in their minds is if they don’t take the traditional miserable path they will potentially become left out from their group of friends and society. They won’t admit it because it sounds pathetic but it’s the truth. When the smoke clears they will use their kids as an excuse as to why they didn’t take any meaningful risks in life.

“The more neatly you fit into society, the less free you actually are.”

-Naval Ravikant

This has no relation to the rest of the post. I just find it amusing enough that I feel compelled to share it.