No Sweat

I wonder how much of the issues that occur from getting older are really from neglect and not from natural ageing. You always hear people 40 and up say, “that’s what happens when you get older.”

Am I supposed to believe that you just get fat because of age?…”your metabolism slows down when you get older.” I think it’s more accurate to say that it’s easier to get fatter as you age, but some people give you the idea that it’s not a choice.

Another thing I’ve been told is that when you get older you just don’t sleep as much. It’s easy to believe because you always hear of old people sleeping at midnight and waking up at 5 AM and working stiffs in their mid-life running on 5 hours of sleep a day.

I’m not sleeping as well as I used to and I think it has to do with not doing anything. My body might be sending adaptive signals to my brain telling it I don’t need to sleep much. The only time I sweat is when the steam from hot food hits my face. Sure, I walk fairly long distances sometimes but there’s still no sweat.

When does the average person exert maximum force on a monthly basis? Carrying groceries? Running to the toilet?

Sleeping was never an issue when I was working my previous job. I’d be moving all day and sweating on most days, profusely sweating every day in the summer.

Not perspiring regularly can’t be good, in my opinion. Sweating because you’re overweight doesn’t count.

I started jogging recently and the goal isn’t distance or time but to sweat. My recent purchase of one of those Under Armour shirts that are supposed to wick away sweat has found early use. I only bought it because it was on clearance. I was thinking I would wear it in the summer when I would be sweating while doing nothing.

 

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Boring Stories

A piece of dental floss got stuck between my molars. Being unable to get it out I went to the internet to search for answers. My search seemed hopeless for answers while also frightening. On a student dental forum the consensus was that you might have to pull a tooth out. On another website some guy said a stuck piece of floss between his teeth caused an infection. I couldn’t believe that I might have to see a dentist for a piece of floss stuck between my teeth.

Brains work extra hard to solve urgent problems. Should I try to stick a needle in there? How about lighting a match and burning it away? I slept on it hoping my saliva would melt it away. After a whole day of eating and drinking I finally managed to get it out using another a piece of floss. I’m realizing now how this was such a boring thing to write about.

Boring Story #2

Last week I came to the conclusion that toy collectables increase in value faster than precious metals such as gold and silver bullion. People laughed at me when I had them drive me to meet up with some dude through Craigslist who was selling toy musician figures. A few years have passed since and the value has increased 3 to 6 times.

I went to IKEA to look for a shelf for these toy figures I’ve been buying recently. When I got there I saw a shelf that would work that was price at $25. I thought about the room it would take up, assembly, the money and I reverted back to minimalist mode which had me decide on plan B which was to take the stuff from my existing bookshelf and put it in a box.

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I buy figures for one or more of the following reasons:

  1. I think it will go up in value
  2. It’s on sale for a deep discount
  3. Childhood memory
  4. It’s so funny that I can’t help myself

C’mon, The Golden Girls! JAJAJAJA

You laugh now at my perceived immaturity but you just wait a few years and I’ll be sitting on a goldmine!

Detox From Yourself

The mental heroin of your life can exist without your acknowledgement. You’ve been hooked since birth injecting your environment to fuel your beliefs to get you by. Twenty years of being an addict will likely make you a junkie for life.

You’re strung out from your life and the solution is to stay on the same path rather than begin a detox and start over. Dropping a decades old habit is excruciating and to do so without the belief it even is a solution seems foolish. It’s not a problem unless enough people say it is.

Many would rather choose the momentum of comfortable misery if the option of a smooth transition to the next desired level is not available. To defer discomfort is often the path of short-term gain in exchange for long-term pain.

Rejecting what you thought to be most important in your life is the process of purging the poison from your mind. You feel you can’t live without it until you continue to live without it.

Questioning what you’ve always thought to be true is a process that places you in withdrawal. Fighting through your denial and letting go of your comfort ravages your mind which will fight you to keep its dominance on the throne.

Recovery is long and hard but the alternative is a life of sickness.

 

 

 

Another New Year’s Post

On my desk there’s an unopened bottle of wine that was intended to be open sometime during the holidays but it never happened. Last night on New Year’s Eve I decided on Blow instead. Netflix didn’t have the 2001 film starring Johnny Depp so I pirated it through the internet.

I’m turning into all those old people who have little desire for current films but instead would rather rewatch films from an era when I was younger. Mid 90s to early 2000s would probably be my favourite…Goodfellas, The Fifth Element, Rounders, Gladiator, The Big Lebowski, Tombstone, Fight Club are some that I’ve watched 10 times. Movies were better back then…ohh my back.

I can’t even remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve. The whole idea of it just pissed me off after a while.

One year while everyone was toasting at midnight and saying foolish things I walked outside and stood alone for 5 minutes until the nonsense subsided.

To a better year!

Happy 2018!

Like the universe gives a shit that the 7 turns to 8 in our imaginary calendar system. If your life stunk in Dec 2017 it won’t change just because you and your drunken friends want it to at midnight. 2018 is going to be my year! I can feel it. 

Negativity aside, the cultural idea of change in the new year can be a catalyst for some people to make moves they otherwise wouldn’t have. If you want your life to change dramatically you might have to make some bold moves but any move is better than nothing.

 

The Holidays Thus Far

A few days before Christmas an old lady who lives in the neighbourhood asked me to help her buy groceries for Christmas dinner. The liquor bill was the priciest…1.78 litre bottle of vodka, 750 ml of Crown Royal and 2 bottles of wine. Afterwards she invited me to have Christmas dinner with her and her cousin who is also old but not that old. I was quite certain I wasn’t going to have any plans and it’s walking distance so I accepted. I like free dinners.

The dinner was good enough…Butterball turkey in the box, packaged gravy, packaged stuffing but the potatoes and vegetables were real. The both of them were probably alcoholics in a past life and possibly borderline in present day so they urged me to drink. It’s Christmas Eve, I’m walking, it’s free liquor and what else am I going to do while I watch Home Alone 2. Free pouring your vodka highball drinks is not a good idea.

The movie was kind of lame 25 years later but bearable. I walked home drunk and was hung over for Christmas which spoiled my plans of having Christmas dinner at Denny’s. I didn’t even feel that great the day after that. The day after that though made me realize I’d rather not be hung over. Life is just so much brighter when you don’t drink yourself into darkness the night before.

Yesterday the UPS person left my $400 package in front of my door. Loser. On Boxing day I bought a chocolate bar.

Also yesterday, I sold some stock that I own that went 11 fold. I ended up at the casino later with a friend and easily convinced myself that I was obligated to celebrate with overpriced beer. I wish I hadn’t. I feel like shit today.

If you’re drunk half the week it means you’re also hung over half the week. I don’t do New Year’s resolutions but I think I’ve decided to strategically cut down on alcohol. I no longer have the spirit or unawareness that allowed me to power through the alcohol related days in the past.

There has been an ongoing resolution to be a nicer and more likeable person which has been progressing really slowly probably because I really enjoy being an a-hole. When I was a kid I was told that if I wanted to remember something that I should tie a piece of string around my finger.

Well, hope everyone is having a good holiday season.

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Life Can Be Semi-Amazing

One Asian guy and one white guy are in a pub. The white guy says, “you look like the guy who works at the hobby store?” The Asian guy jokingly replies, “no but we all look alike.”

Another Asian guy(me) walks into the pub. The other Asian guy asks, “is your name Peter Jung?” I said, “no but I guess we all really do alike.”

True story. It was funnier if you were there.

Even funnier, maybe, was that I was searching online since last night for a place to eat perogies and not that surprisingly the options are few and far between. Yesterday, I was talking to someone about the famous perogie man in town and it sparked a craving. He had a picture online of him holding a plate of perogies and sausage with fried onions.

This morning, I wasn’t able to find a place close enough to serve them ready-to-eat so I would settle for a place that would sell handmade ones to take home and cook. There wasn’t any of those either so I gave up and walked to the nearby pub to get some afternoon breakfast.

Lo and behold, they changed their menu and on the first page, perogies and sausage! A pub, nearby, serving perogies and sausage as a recent addition to their menu not even 24 hours from the time of my craving. It’s obvious someone with enormous powers is looking out for me.

Perhaps it’s not life changing but it just goes to show that anything can happen in life. This is like the equivalent of getting lung cancer from smoking one cigarette. The odds are tremendously low. I wanted perogies and sausage and the universe complied. Maybe it’s not that someone out there with magical powers is looking out for me but instead I have magical powers. The world is starting to revolve around me. I’ve tapped into The Secret.

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All I need to do now is use my powers to get them to fry the perogies

 

Gambling Strategies

When I was planning my getaway from my rigid job I brainstormed ways of supplementing unemployment. One idea was to start a webcam show for old men who would pay to see me do things while showing my hairless chest. Another idea was to gamble with money.

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There’s online porn, online shopping, online anything that can be done online including online gambling. The casino was never far away but being around professional degenerate gamblers just wasn’t my thing. The world continues to innovate new methods of taking embarrassment out of the picture by allowing you to disgrace yourself in the privacy of your own home while including the conventional familiar environment.

The online casino allows you to pick through a variety of games hosted by live humans in real time. The Eastern European dealers will introduce you and answer your typed questions even your silly ones.

My plan was to win small amounts every day using a variation of the martingale theory. If you lose a hand you double up and keep doing so until you win which will give you a return of your original bet. It sounded easy enough but there had to be a catch.

Example:

Bet $5 and lose
Bet $10 and lose
Bet $20 and lose
Bet $40 and lose
Bet $80 and lose
Bet $160 and lose
Bet $320 and lose
Bet $640 and lose

Eventually, if you have enough money you will win since putting it on red or black gives you about a 48% chance of winning. The casinos in my area have a $500 bet limit though to greatly limit your chances of winning. My example was only going to score you $5 if successful. Double or triple your intended reward and you can find yourself in a heap of shit fairly quickly. Not a lot of people are going to go through so much trouble to win $5.

The online room in the picture above shows a maximum bet of $40,000 so if you wanted to win $5 for every war then it would seem very doable. The thing is how many times can one possible lose consecutively? I’m not sure but I’ve seen 14 but I think that’s fairly rare.

Bet $1280 and lose
Bet $2560 and lose
Bet $5120 and lose
Bet $10,240 and lose
Bet $20,480 and lose
Bet $40,960…..nope, maxed out.

Once you hit 13 losses in a row you’re screwed. All that for the hope of winning $5. You probably can’t even replenish the calories you wasted with that $5. You would have to go home and tell your wife or your dog that you lost $20,480 because you were trying to win $5.

Okay, but there’s a display that shows you which colours have come out in the previous games. If you wait for one colour to come out 7 or 8 times in a row then your chances of winning with the martingale theory should be better. They call that kind of thinking gambler’s fallacy because the roulette ball does not discriminate which colour it landed on in previous games. Every new game gives the same probability. It makes sense but if you flip a coin enough times it’s not going to keep landing only heads.

What I propose might be true but no one is going to wait for the roulette ball to land on red or black 10 times in a row before they start betting. You could be standing/sitting there all day just to hopefully make $5 or $10. I suppose I could just have the game running and check in on it every 15 minutes to see how it’s going. That too is a hassle. I can make it worth my while by betting more but that could get me in a world of shit really fast. You might win most of the time but the day that you don’t it will wipe out all of your winnings and more. You might be better off delivering newspapers. There’s no quick buck without risk or embarrassment.