When the pandemic first began, everyone was hoping a vaccine would be discovered sooner rather than later. You can bet that in such a world emergency that all resources were directed to finding a vaccine. And then, wow, a vaccine for COVID is discovered less than a year from when this all began. Nope not good enough. That was too fast. Well then, what did you all want instead? All of a sudden millions of people have awarded themselves honourary medical degrees overnight.
“The fastest any vaccine had previously been developed, from viral sampling to approval, was four years, for mumps in the 1960s.”
I’d like to think that since the 1960s there has been tremendous advancements in the medical world as there has been in every other aspect of life besides human behaviour. In the 1960s, people in developed nations were still using rotary telephones and the life expectancy of men was 66 years of age. AIDS was a big deal in the 1990s and now you don’t even hear about it. I think some people have this idea that the COVID vaccine had to start from complete scratch. There was already a base of knowledge and data from previous coronavirus strains.
The virus has invaded and naturally wants to continue. We have a weapon that may not destroy it but in all likelihood can corner and control it. Some of the Allied Forces don’t want to fight though. Hitler offered them schnitzels to stand down and they’ve accepted. “Come on. Just let me in a little further. I don’t want everything. I’ll give you all schnitzels every Tuesday. Promise.”
Some of the Allied troops have grown tired of cheeseburgers and fighting. They think to themselves how schnitzels might be better since there have been conspiracy theories of how mad cow disease was invented by the leaders of the Allied Forces to secretly poison troops when needed. As Hitler advances he posts on his Facebook page that cheeseburgers shrink your penis and the American government has known this all along. He now ups the ante and offers Bavarian Lager depuis 1649 on Thursdays to all Allied troops who are willing to cease fighting. Sure, this Hitler guy started the war but he doesn’t seem like such a bad guy compared to our dick shrinking leaders, they think. Hitler has a horrible track record while cheeseburgers have saved many lives over the last century but when life becomes too easy for too long, people become less appreciative.
In the end, the Nazis complete a full invasion. Schnitzel Tuesday is no longer. “Ahahaha, if you had thought about it, you would had figured out that there would never be enough pork to supply everyone for Schnitzel Tuesday,” said Hitler. Not only did the dishonourable Allied troops no longer have any free Bavarian lager, they also lost cheeseburgers forever. When the emotions subsided, the sobering consensus was that cheeseburgers probably didn’t shrink your dick.
The Allied soldiers who fought the entire battle walked towards the disgraced deserters. One of them frustratingly asked, “Why? Your father loved cheeseburgers. Your Grandfather loved cheeseburgers. They were all strong and healthy.” The deserters said nothing but if you could see inside their head you would have seen the truth. They wanted schnitzels and cheeseburgers as well without having to fight…freedom from responsibility.
When the enemy declares and invasion, time is of the essence. If you sit back and do nothing the enemy gains territory and mutates into a stronger form. Bargaining with the enemy and hoping they will be nice has historically not been a wise decision. Don’t take the schnitzel.
In the past, desertion of your military duty could result in a death sentence. Deserters abandoned their countrymen hoping they’d still win so that they could reap the benefits while still having their limbs. Today, with our mild version of a war, deserters cannot even be sentenced to eat a cheeseburger which has benefited millions of lives and historically has carried a very low risk of serious adverse effects. The odds greatly favour cheeseburgers as a trusted ally rather than an enemy.