Male Housewife Adventures

An old blind guy that I help buy groceries for inspired me to take my soup making to another dimension. I like making soup because it’s nutritious and lazy. With my new interest in being a housewife I decided to look into buying some sort of appliance that will do a puree. I decided on a hand blender.

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Cuisinart  Hand Blender CSB-85C

Butternut squash, broccoli, celery, radishes(leaves included), cucumber(unpeeled), leeks, garlic. Total cost…$9.85 Canadian. I would have put in a green bell pepper but they cost $3 a pound. My diet revolves around economics. For the sake of flavour though I should add some spices and leaves.

I believe a puree will be more flavourful than compared to just boiling. To disappoint the vegans I may add a drop of milk or perhaps a drop of my own blood.

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There’s probably some warning in the manual about blending liquids while they are boiling. The blender has a safety button that needs to be pressed while pressing the power button in order for it to operate. It makes it harder to fool around and accidentally or purposely mangle someone else’s nose.

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I had the dog’s interest every time I powered on the blender

 

I guess it works. If you’re going to play with boiling liquid though you have to make sure enough of the blender is submerged otherwise hot liquid will fly like kids on an amusement ride without safety harnesses.

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So far it looks like it will taste like shit

I haven’t tried it yet as it is still simmering. Incorporating healthy soups lessens my guilt when I do my daily heroin. Life is all about balance.

Reliving the 1960s

Much of the autobiography that I have been reading is coincidentally set in the same era and country as a show that I have been binge watching, Mad Men. Binge watching a show is much easier than reading a 900 page book. If I can do an average of 3 pages a day then I can finish the book in less than a year. 5 seasons of Mad Men took me less than a month.

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The book that I have been reading is a memoir of a wealthy man in America. I’m contemplating whether I would rather be an unattractive wealthy man or a penniless Don Draper. To walk around all your life as Don Draper is priceless. Everywhere you go and every day, people have their head slightly tilted up admiring your magnificent bone structure on your 6′ tall frame. I would just go out just to be seen and smoke cigarettes just because I look so good doing it. Women would surround me just to inhale my second hand smoke.

Cleverness and one-liners would not be necessary. Well-thought-out tactics to lure women are for the invisible men not handsome devils with a strong jawline. All I’d have to do is say “hi” and smile. She’d giggle like a school girl and forget that she is married.

Sure, money can bring you beautiful women but when a woman is with you primarily for your money she is just a glorified prostitute, and for the right price a prostitute will even go to bed with a man with a face that only a mother could love.

I’m going to miss Don Draper. Hopefully I find a replacement man crush soon.

 

Ice Streets

It’s an ice rink on the small streets all over the city. All day I hear vehicles spinning their wheels and the hysterical cries from mothers when their children get batted by the impact of a vehicle that has lost control.

When the city decides that the snow removal budget may not last to the end of winter they sit around hoping for rain while bumper cars become the hottest sport and hospital beds fill up with fractured elderly hips. Can’t break that budget.

It’s true that it doesn’t always snow here and sometimes when it does it isn’t much but sometimes it is. I assume budgets are made with estimations using historical data and the solution for a margin of error is, let’s just hope it doesn’t happen. With no snow here in the last 2 winters there is a surplus for the snow removal budget but I guess it still ain’t enough. The other issue is that road salt is hard to come by when you want it last minute. They should be stock piling that crap like water. It’s not like you can’t use it in the future.

Some might say that it’s a complicated issue and that I just don’t know how it works. That might be true. It’s just an issue that is near and dear to my heart because I was a courier driver for 7 years and most of those years were spent in shitty rear-wheel drive vehicles. Even those 10 degree incline and declines wreaked havoc on my life. I learned that if your vehicle is stuck in front of someone’s home they will come out and help you otherwise they have to hear you redline your engine and spin your wheels for 2 hours.

Skating on the street in front of my house.

 

Regret

Either, I think it’s going to be exciting or I think I’m going to regret it if…. is what comes to mind when making a decision to take action or no action. Regret is a weird one. It stands as a motivator to not make the same mistake again but what purpose does it have when you’re too old or incapable to redeem yourself? Sitting there wishing you did this and that only causes grief that you take to the grave. Perhaps once you’re filled with regret and cannot do anything about it, it’s mother nature’s way of saying your life is over so hurry up and die or she’ll make you hate yourself until you do.

It almost seems that we base our major life decisions according to how we think we will feel about them in the distant future. You’re given a fact sheet and you play by the odds, succumb to irrational fears or just live for the day. Possible regret is often treated like life long credit card debt and cancer from smoking cigarettes…you seize the comfort now to defer the possible discomfort in the future. Maybe it won’t happen anyway, right?

The time variable plays into the equation of regret. If you think you have time then you think you have hope, and if you think you have hope then regret will not fully manifest itself. Having time and hope is often the reason to procrastinate. There’s 364 days to buy Christmas gifts but the shopping malls are their busiest on Christmas Eve. Unfortunately, in life the opportunities hardly ever present themselves the day before it’s too late nor will you be notified ahead of time when it will be too late.

For some people the whole point of life is to not have any regrets or at least none that eat them up. To admit regret for the life you lived without providing a consolation for your ego is not an honour one accepts graciously. If you’re smart enough or dumb enough then you can always find ways to alleviate any potential regrets with your rationalizations. If you can’t get what you want then you can change how you feel about it.

The only evolutionary benefit of regret when the game cannot be played again is being able to tell the younger generations to not do what you did. Knowledge is a survival skill that gets passed on and if the elders of your tribe don’t have useful knowledge then you’re at a disadvantage. Perhaps then, if one is not willing to admit their regrets it’s just as detrimental to the survival of their loved ones just as it would be to teach them incorrectly how to hunt and gather. Maybe the dissolution of the ego is an overlooked survival trait.

 

 

New Year’s Eve Thoughts

About half an hour ago I was shovelling the snow and it just dawned on me that it was New Year’s Eve. While many people are headed out to have fun or to just not stay home, I was pushing snow and thinking about life.

Every now and then I will come across the current biography of someone I know by word of mouth or through the internet. While I’ve been mentally wandering for the last 20 years, some others have been plugging away to secure a position far away from where I am.

While I clear the entire sidewalk around my home I think about the person who attained their master’s degree and went on to a have a good career while I’m living at my mother’s house without even an entry level job. The contrast between our lives reminds me of the cautionary predictions that would become of the one who just tries to cruise through life. I never doubted any of it, I just never knew what to do.

The design and development of a person will lead them to be the person they become. It’s the only way I can explain how someone can have the motivation to push so hard for so many years while others are alone writing on a blog on New Year’s Eve. Most of us generally want the same things out of life but chances are you will become what you are willing to accept.

Happy?…New Year.

Hairy Christmas

Quite often I will get the question, “do you celebrate Christmas?” I’m not sure if I do or not because I’m not sure what I have ever done during Christmas would be considered celebrating. If having dinner is considered celebrating then that’s a pretty lame celebration.

I received 3 wrapped gifts this year, all from people I’ve met in some way from volunteering. Before they even reached my hands when they gave them to me I already knew they were boxes of chocolates from the 1 inch height of the boxes. Two of them were chocolate hedgehogs although different types. How did the hedgehog get the coveted chocolate honour? Why not a wolverine or river otter? Sometimes you only have to get lucky once to solidify a lifetime of success that never gets questioned.

They say Christmas is a lonely time of year for many folks. It’s not that it’s any lonelier than the other 364 days when some people are alone but a more intense feeling of feeling like a loser. If you’re alone on Christmas it’s generally thought that no one cares about you. If no one cares about you it means you’re an asshole or undesirable. It all equals to a feeling of failure.

I didn’t do anything this Christmas. This afternoon I did an Uber type ride for $13 to drive some kid and her mother to a piano lesson. I later wasted most of that $13 on a Big Mac and medium fries. Most of the rest of the day was spent watching Mad Men on Netflix. Handsome bastard that Don Draper. I long for those days when people had manners, men were men and when music was good. I used to be able to buy a chocolate bar for 5 cents after my shift at the opium den. This world has moved too fast for me.

Merry Christmas

 

Rainy Days

There have been at least a few famous people that have publicly stated their negative remarks towards Vancouver’s over average rainfall climate. In return they get a backlash from Vancouver residents telling them to “don’t come back!”

It must rain a lot here. I’ve never been that aware of it since I have lived here all of my life. “A lot” is subjective. Some people in the world think 2 meals a day is a lot. More recently, I’ve heard a few radio interviews on how people like this city and Seattle except that it rains too much and it’s depressing.

In October it rained 28 days out of the month. In November it rained 25 days out of the month. This month it hasn’t rained as often because it’s been snowing instead.

I think it’s been getting to me. I was fairly joyful in the summer from just having sunshine. Lately, I’ve been noticing a cloud of sadness looming around. I’ve heard of Seasonal Affective Disorder(SAD) but never felt I had an issue with it. Maybe it was because I felt at least a little shitty every season. Why save your sadness for one season when you can spread it out through all four? It might not be SAD. I hope it is though because otherwise it’s something else.

Today there was finally blue sky. It felt so good to just be outside with the sun shining and breathing in the fresh air. I went to the strip mall to buy something and after just stood outside for an hour doing nothing until the low angled sun called it a day. It was probably good that I left anyway otherwise someone might have called the cops soon. It made me think about buying a plane ticket to somewhere sunny.

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